As I have written about often, I was a shape shifter, a people pleaser, a fit the mold-er human. I did this often in friendships, at work and definitely in relationships or potential make out sessions. And some times I still do. Not the random make outs, but the shifting of personality shapes.
I believe there is a space for this in our lives, be it our teens or the 20s I wrote about in the last post or if you are in the thick of it now. However, there has to be a time and a place where all the chameleon-ing has taught us the lessons we need to know and we then see the choice, the truth, and the realness of who we actually are and we make the choice to honor our individuality, all our unique gifts and all our weird and amazing.
But. How do we know?
Well, your body will always tell you when you are in alignment and when you are out of sync. It sounds a major alarm. Not that guy, alarm alarm alarm. Not that friend, alarm alarm alarm. Or hell yes that guy, peace, peace, a little sweaty palms, elation, butterflies. Or yes too her all the secrets, peace, peace, trust, connection.
Also, your intuition. And this is a tricky one for me, as I am a known mind over matter human, so I like to force and push and prod and overanalyze versus flow, listen and feel. Trusting in the guts is something I had to learn, unlearn, relearn and am still in the process of. Your soul knows. Creating the relationship of listening is our work. Oh too woo woo for you, holler in a couple years when ready.
Lastly, there are true experiences in life that will start to almost pinball you to where you need to be. I was speaking with a friend today about rejection. Oh the glory of rejection, I actually cringe writing the word. Me and my ego, we hate rejection. I heard Jia Jang speak on rejection at a conference once and it was super enlightening, check out his TED Talk on Rejection here. Because rejection can be the protection. And what I shared with my sweet friend is in the era of chameleon life that some of us might stumble into, we are actually rejecting our true selves. So it only makes sense that rejection from friends, work and lovers would follow suit. The puzzle pieces do not fit, round peg, square hole.
These moment of listening to our body, trusting our gut and actually being open to getting rejected are truly pointing us in the direction we can be heading, if we allow ourselves to see it that way. The perspective is clutch in that regard. You are not late. You are not a failure. Nope, you are not unloveable. Damn, listen to all that mental drama.
I have been there, too. Hell, I was there last week.
And yet, if there is something we are not listening to, and you know exactly what I am talking about right now in this moment (yep, that, whatever your brain just went to, that is it), it will continue to show up. When we are forcing versus flowing, when we fear rejection, when we chameleon to belong and fill a void with that terrible make out session IN PUBLIC at the end of the bar, we will feel it. And it is a major practice to have the awareness and then make a new choice.
And yet, all this time we are learning our own way to go.
Pivot. Take a new course. Learn from your (many) rejections because holy hell, I have so many rejection stories that still make my stomach ache and my ego cringe ... in the best way. And take the time to reflect on moments you felt joy, moments you felt so alive, moments you felt home in your soul, in your body, in your being.
And let the practice be so human. We are all in it together.