The Art of the Chameleon

As I have written about often, I was a shape shifter, a people pleaser, a fit the mold-er human. I did this often in friendships, at work and definitely in relationships or potential make out sessions. And some times I still do. Not the random make outs, but the shifting of personality shapes. 

Did you?

I believe there is a space for this in our lives, be it our teens or the 20s I wrote about in the last post or if you are in the thick of it now. However, there has to be a time and a place where all the chameleon-ing has taught us the lessons we need to know and we then see the choice, the truth, and the realness of who we actually are and we make the choice to honor our individuality, all our unique gifts and all our weird and amazing. 

But. How do we know?

Well, your body will always tell you when you are in alignment and when you are out of sync. It sounds a major alarm. Not that guy, alarm alarm alarm. Not that friend, alarm alarm alarm. Or hell yes that guy, peace, peace, a little sweaty palms, elation, butterflies. Or yes too her all the secrets, peace, peace, trust, connection. 

Also, your intuition. And this is a tricky one for me, as I am a known mind over matter human, so I like to force and push and prod and overanalyze versus flow, listen and feel. Trusting in the guts is something I had to learn, unlearn, relearn and am still in the process of. Your soul knows. Creating the relationship of listening is our work. Oh too woo woo for you, holler in a couple years when ready.

Lastly, there are true experiences in life that will start to almost pinball you to where you need to be. I was speaking with a friend today about rejection. Oh the glory of rejection, I actually cringe writing the word. Me and my ego, we hate rejection. I heard Jia Jang speak on rejection at a conference once and it was super enlightening, check out his TED Talk on Rejection here. Because rejection can be the protection. And what I shared with my sweet friend is in the era of chameleon life that some of us might stumble into, we are actually rejecting our true selves. So it only makes sense that rejection from friends, work and lovers would follow suit. The puzzle pieces do not fit, round peg, square hole. 

These moment of listening to our body, trusting our gut and actually being open to getting rejected are truly pointing us in the direction we can be heading, if we allow ourselves to see it that way. The perspective is clutch in that regard. You are not late. You are not a failure. Nope, you are not unloveable. Damn, listen to all that mental drama. 

I have been there, too. Hell, I was there last week.

And yet, if there is something we are not listening to, and you know exactly what I am talking about right now in this moment (yep, that, whatever your brain just went to, that is it), it will continue to show up. When we are forcing versus flowing, when we fear rejection, when we chameleon to belong and fill a void with that terrible make out session IN PUBLIC at the end of the bar, we will feel it. And it is a major practice to have the awareness and then make a new choice. 

And yet, all this time we are learning our own way to go. 

Pivot. Take a new course. Learn from your (many) rejections because holy hell, I have so many rejection stories that still make my stomach ache and my ego cringe ... in the best way. And take the time to reflect on moments you felt joy, moments you felt so alive, moments you felt home in your soul, in your body, in your being.

And let the practice be so human. We are all in it together. 

 Finding the balance in my identity. Day by day. Photo X  Tayler Carlisle Photography

Finding the balance in my identity. Day by day. Photo X Tayler Carlisle Photography

My Crazy 20s. I Made it Through.

I had a moment alone this weekend where I told my husband I was going to take a nap but the mind, well she was a-racing, so I didn't nap yet took some time with my journal. 

I sat down in this chaise lounge thing by my unlit fireplace and I listed per page age 20 through age 29. And I started to explore the moments that made up each year. To name a few....The nicknames I acquired, the boyfriend I broke up with via email before leaving to study abroad (I had reasoning, I promise), the time I wrote a tutu for my entire 22nd birthday day (get it, tutu, as in 2-2), my Hollywood life and passing out caffeinated mints to strangers in nightclubs to make extra cash, or starting my lululemon life and (over)drinking that spandex kool-aid and getting so lost again and again yet finding myself along the way, writing a blog about riding a bus in LA and getting on the cover of the LA Times for it (so crazy), all the duck face pictures (ugh), that time I got lip injections....on reality TV, getting a dog, launching my own businesses, meeting a tribe of women that have changed my life, falling in love with my husband, all the karaoke, ... SO DAMN MUCH.

Probably enough to fill a book and make me laugh, cry, scoff and want to crawl under a bed and hide foerver or stand on a mountain top and yell "I AM BADASS" all at the same time. Because wow, I got through it.

And so did you.

Or if you are seated right there in the shitshow that can be 23, you will get through it. 

I promise. 

And that is my note to you today, take a moment to look back. Look back say 10 years into the past. The many job titles you have held, or the embarrassing nicknames, the people who were there and the people who have stayed and some that have majorly left and probably for good reason, the lessons you learned and the way you handled things then versus the way you handle things now.

From this recognition of my growth, and my oh my have I grown, do I start to look forward and see how much change is possible in 5 years, 10 years, 50 years. From this place of embarrassing moments and holy shit wake up calls to hell yes, look what I did, I see that possibility and dreaming is so important.

From this place, I begin to craft a vision with no constraints and a lot of wisdom. 
And you can too. You will, too. Go create the future. 

 Roughly 23. What. In. The. Hell.

Roughly 23. What. In. The. Hell.

Perspective at a Coffee Shop.

I had my space all set up.

Computer. Donut. Coffee. Headphones. Notebook.

Ready to work at the local coffee shop and get down to business. I was nestled between a woman with her headphones on and her computer ablaze and a homeless man and his croissant and Coca-Cola can he kept adding some secret alcohol to. He wasn't very sneaky in even his sneakiest attempts. 

And this is our modern day co-working space. Isn't life so interesting?

And my phone lights up. You know I don't have it on ring, does anyone every have their phone on ring anymore? 

I answer. I listen. My face and my heart drop. I stand up, walk outside to take the rest of my call in private. I receive sad news across the line, my own tears begin to well and I pace back and forth in the couple of feet I have made my own personal phone booth.  

As the conversation ends, I take a few deep breaths and come back to my 'office space'. 

I take a seat back at my barstool. And I look around at the coffee bar and all the tables filled. Some people busy at work on their computers, some people in the midst of a meeting - who knows what for...a business deal, a friendly catch up or a job interview. My neighboring man hacking a terrible cough and eating his croissant so slowly as to stay a little longer in the warmth of the coffee shop inside. The woman next to me still tap, tap, tapping on her computer. This one guy lingering at the front to grab an open spot when it comes available, his eyeballs on scan and looking somewhat over-caffeinated. 

And I wonder what they are all feeling today?

I know I feel weighted with the news from the other line of the phone. I feel sad and almost lonely in this space, working next to him and her and they. Surrounded by humans yet staring at a screen.

And it is such a perspective shift. 

All these people. Sitting in this place. So close to one another. Churning and burning. And yet, what are they feeling today? I have no idea what news on a phone call they just got, be it this year, last week or earlier this morning. Is she going through a break up? Is he celebrating his new promotion? Do they like their job? Are they their work, to a human, in their own life? 

Such a simple shift in my own energy that morning at the coffee shop to realize and remember that we have no idea what another is going through. Unless they choose to share it with us in a sacred exchange that is communication. And we have no idea how their heart is?

So tread lightly. 

Smile. Say hi. Be gentle. 






I have been spending some time thinking about love. 

The sappy kind.

The cheesy kind.

The PDA kind.

I recently posted on my Instagram feed that 'falling in love with my husband began a huge shift in falling in love with myself. He showed me the way and I am so grateful'. And someone said, tell me more. 

So driving home this morning I thought about falling in love with my husband, moreso in the beginning and it ebbed to meet me in the now. We are ever-changing, ever-evolving beings so the falling in love is continuous - not past tense but ongoing. And I cried. Tears of gratitude and immense humility as this journey of love is never rainbows and unicorns. And yet it can be so cheesy and wonderful and reflective.

Chris was one of the first boys I met in college, we were both 18 and on the brink of freedom living in the dorms with no parents, a meal card and friends that bought me Smirnoff Black Cherry vodka (I just totally cringed and my stomach hurts reading that). It was a wild time and I was loud and totally amp'd and Chris was reserved, a baseball player with early practice and discipline. I adored him. A secret crush for sure and totally not our time to be lovers. So we became friends.

Chris saw me through those years of college and beyond. He knew most of the boyfriends I dated from 18 on and he took notes. We would talk about our separate love lives, me more than him because he was a bit more secretive. And we would chat on AIM late at night and he would send me music. He still does. The music, not late not chats on AIM, we upgraded early night chats on the cough by the fire.

It was years later that we finally were in the right time to start our dating life, to become lovers. How fun to say 'lovers'? And we did in the most magical of ways, as I have shared before. One of my favorite things Chris always says is that he saw all the other boys doing it wrong and the mistakes they made with me. And he always says this, 'they were all out to change you, every single one of them'. He was right, they were trying to have me fit the mold, their mold. 

And Chris said when he made his move, he loved me for me. For all my weird, for all of my many selves and for whomever I wanted to be at that time and this time and next time. He never judged me and he truly honored our differences.

I remember hearing him say that to one of our friends and gushing a bit, as you do. And I remember in those moments with Chris in the early stages starting to really embrace all my weird, all of my many true selves, my own core values and all the aspirations I had. 

And to be honest, he showed me that. He did. 

Some times, we have to let someone show us the way. Let them take us by the hand and say, try it this way. 

I often hear people talk about getting to know themselves, dating themselves before they get into a relationship. Amen, I did that for most of my early 20s. I honor that devotion to self and unraveling to truly get clear on who you are and what you want. And yet a word of caution, we are even changing beings, and if we date ourselves forever or choose to stay there too long, it can get lonely. Confession: I was so scared to fall in love with Chris, most likely because I had never truly allowed myself to fall totally in love I thought I needed more time, more excavation, more clarity.

To this day I am still falling in love with me, and Chris and my body and our home and our family and our life we have created. It is a moment to moment choice I make to keep learning, falling with grace, failing with grace, and being all in as all of me and all my weird, with grace. 

So grateful.

On 34.

Good morning birthday day.

Today, I am 34. 

Now that I have given birth, I actually see birthdays in such a new light. I think of my parents delivering me Earthside at what was something like 2am today. I feel that shock and awe that they must have felt as they were looking at me, a human they created. I have so much gratitude for them, their courage and resiliency. 

Thanks Mom & Dad. 

And I embark on 34, I took a moment last night with my husband to think about all that was 33. We deemed it the year of adulting. 33 was intense. I became a Mother at 32, however, at 33 I lovingly became 'Mama' and now 'Mommy'. There is a difference. 

I learned about balance and getting lost. And then found. Again. (and again)

I learned about deep connection while navigating a life shared online and offline. I should note, totally still navigating here with the always intention of deep connection. 

I learned about putting myself out there and asking for help. Yet again. 
And I learned how to knit. 

I learned about money and energy. Again yet in a new way.

And I learned that community, connection and building something new always takes time, patience and a permission slip to be a beginner. 

I learned that my husband, my children, my family and favorite friends are the ones I want to impress and get all the 'likes' from in all the forms. Be it hugs, kisses, text messages or trips together, this is goals alive. 

And I learned that your vision will take command, some times faster than you thought, other times ways slower than you thought. And of course, some times a complete and utter overhaul to allows for your own inner evolutions to create something you never ever had seen before. Of course. 

I learned from experience. I learned from being open. I learned from embracing growing older as truly growing wiser...while eating humble pie every other day and scoffing at some of your old habits, thoughts, beliefs and tendencies. 

As I look to this year, which feels very organized in terms of numbers as the 3 actually goes before the 4 in that order, I am excited. Chris and I will welcome our second daughter into the World and continue to expand our family and our hearts (major heart strech marks). I will speak on stages and mountains about goals setting, boundaries and bliss because this is what I love to do. My friends and I will explore together, both our ever-changing lives as Mothers, lovers and human beings doing the best we can, as well as camping outdoors and sharing deep belly laughter over dinners. I will hire a babysitter more so Chris and I have date way more. And I will trust trust trust my guts, leaning deeper in my intuition and less into my 'shoulds' and social ideals that I continue to unlearn.


Happy birthday to you, self. Good job so far. Keep it up.






I Grew Up.

I am home in Houston this week, the city I was born and I still writing right now in the home I grew up in since the 4th grade. it looks different but the same. However. Let me tell you, I sat in my bed last night in the same room I had in middle school - high school, and I sat in the dark, listening to my daughter snore and coo in her sleep in her pak-N-play next to me, with my second daughter kicking around in my belly and it felt beyond surreal.

I closed my eyes and remembered the blue carpet (navy blue, for real), the yellow walls (I had to have yellow), and the ripped out magazine clippings of Leo DiCaprio, Tom Cruise, Robert Redford and so many others from that year's 50 most Beautiful People edition of PEOPLE that used to take residence with clear tape on the wall. And I timelined back to so many different emotions that rip and roar through your body from ages 12 to 18. I remember being on the purple see-through and chordless phone (my own line!) for hours in there, and crouched over biology homework after a sweaty basketball game, and I remember having to leave the door open when my high school boyfriend came over and wishing I had a TV in there and almost sneaking out the side window twice but never doing it because I was scared of getting caught (unlike my badass younger sisters...hmmph). 

I remembered so many details. 

And today we ventured down the roads that we used to take to school, where my Mother was my PE teacher and still is! My old school which doesn't even look the same, I am talking major upgrade. I walked into their new cafeteria and wondered if I was in the Nordstrom Cafe, hello upgrades. I took my own daughter on the new playground and felt so weird knowing that my young self had done the exact same in this exact same spot with probably those exact same crazy pigtails. The best kind of weird, of course. And I hugged old teachers and talked to the principal about my class of 1998 and where people are now. 

And I remembered so many details.

I don't come home that often, maybe once a year. My family meets up on adventures or for family weddings or in our new Colorado home because you know, mountains. And it feels so different probably because it has been a while and well, I feel so different.

I realize being here in my old room, visiting my old school, and seeing time almost go in slow mo through your body in waves of feelings and memories that ... I grew up

Like that moment in Hook, the movie when Peter Pan realized he grew up after returning to Never Never Land with the Lost Boys to get his children back. I am so right there. 

I know, took me long enough to realize it. And I imagine for some of us, it takes a while.

And just like my school that has changed and upgraded and my old room that now has hard wood floors and a whole new candle smell, so do I. I have upgrades in a husband I love so very much, two children that have changed my life completely and a home in Colorado. I have upgrades in life perspectives, wisdom and so much damn grace from living a life full on. And I can pay to take my parents out to dinner and I can stay up as last as I want and yet choose to go to bed early (mom life, that so happened). 

I grew up. 

I by no means feel old, what I am saying is, well, I finally feel like a grown up. And I am really proud of who I am. And I am so thankful to my parents, my schools, my life here in Houston and the streets I used to run on and the neighbors I used to babysit for and the drama I used to stay up late and talk out on the purple phone and write out in notes with gel pens that I would bring to school the next day and the blue carpet and yellow walls and the same family photo that hangs on the main wall in our home for the past 17 years.

I grew up. And I love the life I am living.

That is some solid gold. 

 At the airport on my way from Denver to Houston, all grown up. You know, snapping selfies in a public restroom...

At the airport on my way from Denver to Houston, all grown up. You know, snapping selfies in a public restroom...

A Goal Achieved.

 I really love the Britney Spears mic....I do. 

I really love the Britney Spears mic....I do. 

Earlier this year, I set a big goal for myself to speak one time per month. I am talking microphone, motivation, and the Jacki Carr version of the SNL character Matt Foley

And I am so proud to share that as of this December month, I have completed that goal!

A huge shout out to my husband for supporting this endeavor and even taking days off to watch our daughter so I could make this goal come alive and my parents who fly in to hang with Evi as I fly out, be it to Ojai or down the block in Grand Lake. It does take a village and I had fear about how I would make everything work as a working Mother who loves her job and loves her family. And what I have learned, write your goals down and ask for help. Keep writing, keep asking. 

As I peer into the future of 2018, I want to highlight some of those speaking gigs this year as this was something I wanted to add to my business offerings, something that absolutely lights me up and to be really honest, something I am really, really great at. 

So this is my business brag book, and writing this I feel so on purpose and excited for all that will come next year in sharing the good words...on a microphone and beyond. 


+ I spoke multiple days at our Rock Your Bliss retreat in Ojai, California. We explore our own personal legacy, boundaries and our impact on the World all while eating amazing food, hiking next to vineyards, yoga morning and eve and real talk on bliss and how we live it. 

+ Mary Beth and I spoke at one of the NIKE HQ offices in LA on crafting your bliss and loving your whole life. A dream to facilitate at NIKE as I totally thought I would work there my whole life! Alas, lululemon caught me for the long haul before creating my own businesses!


+ I spoke at our collaboration retreat with Harness Cycle x Rock Your Bliss in these amazing treehouse in Ohio. We explored our core values, what we do want in our vision and goals to get there. It was a winter wonderland of magic.

+ Also, I led Lightyear Leadership workshops at the inaugural Camp Yoga in Granby, Colorado. We vision boarded with all the crafts and we explore the Cycles of Success as we bring our goals to life. 


+ I created a leadership offsite with the Marketing team of Patagonia HQ in Ventura, CA. We stayed in the house the shape of a whale in Santa Barbara and got real connected, real fast. 


+ I hosted a plant workshop in Denver with my dear friend, Eric Rooney of Rooney Bloom where we spoke to core values and planted a plant to explore our roots. 

+ I also flew to Chicago to speak for FELD Entertainment at their yearly off site on the power of legacy, knowing what you do want and goals alive. 


+ Mary Beth and I flew to Seattle to speak to the lululemon internal team and ambassador tribe about rocking your bliss with clear boundaries and fun. 

+ I also woke up at the crack of dawn to speak at DAYBREAKER, an early morning dance party in which I spoke in 80s songs for my entire 7 minute speech on the power of living a life you love


+ I led my annual Novel Grapes Book Club Retreat in Breckenridge, Colorado with an incredible group of women reading books, sipping wine, hot tubbing, hiking mountains and getting real together. 


+ I spoke with my Denver lululemon ambassador team at a fundraiser event titled 'Here to Be Together' and I spoke on the power of our energy and money, something I never knew I would have the ability to speak on. 

+ Mary Beth and I flew to Asheville, NC to lead our Rock Your Bliss workshops at the Asheville Yoga Festival and explore that cute town up and down!


+ I trekked up to Breckenridge to lead leadership module to the Fierce45 Denver team at their annual team retreat, talking leadership style and goal projects.


+ I spoke at the Moxie Collective, a women's empowerment and networking group. One of my favorite speaking gigs as we talked boundaries and being bold and somehow orgasms was a topic of conversation and we went there!

+ I spoke at the CO Yoga + Life Magazine "The Time is Now" launch event in Denver on the power of writing our beliefs and our own stories of time.

+ I led leadership work at Yoga Ed. in LA as a faculty team member to support the vision and goals of their mission to bring yoga education to schools. 


+ I spoke multiple days at our first ever Colorado Rock Your Bliss retreat in Grand Lake, Colorado. We yoga'd, blisscrafted, hiked, and made pinky promises. It was magic.  

+ I flew to Portland, Maine to speak at a badass brewery to a local run club and support the Grand Opening of the newest luluelmon stores in Maine.


+ I spoke at a local MeetUp for Ascend Agency. We spoke on the power of positive culture in the workplace, the power of communication to your employees and creating retreats and offsites to reset and align again and again to your brand mission.

+ I spoke at the Hey Mama event in Denver supporting the FEED organization and creating a space for Mamas to explore their own limiting beliefs and choice in beliefs that serve them in their whole lives. 


+ I spoke in LA at a lululemon development 2 day off site. We explored and celebrated all that was 2017 and had a roundtable about the left and right side of our brains and our leadership styles. 

+ I led a hike for Hey Mama in my town of Evergreen, Colorado exploring our complaints on repeat and excavating the commitment beneath to rock our holiday season. 

So grateful to the companies and people that invested their hard earned dollars and even more precious TIME in my services. Honored to be working with such great humans bringing goals, bliss, and leadership to the forefront of their culture and lives. 


Interested in my speaking, read up here

Email me: 

My 2017 Holiday Gift Guide LIST

Happy Holidays to everyone!

 Could I love Cousin Eddie more? 'Christmas Vacation', watch it tonite!

Could I love Cousin Eddie more? 'Christmas Vacation', watch it tonite!

This is right around the time I start to panic about gifts. My organized friends have been totally ready and wrapped since December 2, my Mother most likely wrapped and ready since July! And I start to Amazon freak out! And yet, I want to be conscious, support businesses I know, people I love, and brands making a difference in the World. 

So here is my 2017 gift guide list to support your shopping! And hey, do something totally different this year, consider the people you are shopping for and how you can support their vision and goals with your gifts. And please, do not forget to get yourself something, self care can be in a rad holiday gift you give your own damn self! 

And of course presence, making eye contact, and being all in. I really believe my husband's love language is gift giving at Christmas, so in honor of his traditions, gift presents AND presence!

Amazing Stuff I Would Love Someone to Gift Me:

Beekeepers Natural: The powers of honeys are mighty are where do I even begin. This sustainable company in Canada has stolen my heart and all my honey ventures. I spray the Propolis every morning, I make hot chocolate with the raw honey cacao superfood and the BLXR is no joke a royal jelly fix for focus and brain health! Check them out and how cool to give the gift of health and bee love!

Vortic Watches: Get your analog on with so much purpose! A local Ft. Collins company, this company is all heart, beyond cool in regards to sustainability and taking old and making it new, and I love winding up my watch to tell time every few days. You can customize your own with Grandpa's old pocket watch face or choose a design. In love with wearing an old school watch again. 

Routine Cream: Natural deodorant that actually works and is super clean, created by sisters who love armpits. My favorite is the SUPERSTAR, yes more charcoal, it is magic! And do know they have ones without baking powder, my pits cannot touch that!

ManCan Wine: It is wine in a can! Great for camping to pack in/out, fun to show up with a 6pak of vino and delicious. NOTE, one can = way more than one glass. You have been warned. Created by badass dudes in Cleveland, Ohio who wanted to lose the stemware, I love it! Enjoy!

BeautyCounter Balancing + Charcoal Mask: Holy pore cleanse with all clean products! I am a big proponent of self care in many different ways and face mask in my furry grey robe and house slippers is some kind of magic on me. You. Must. Try. This. 

Gift someone a new morning ritual with a beautiful card deck, The Moon Deck. I love this deck for beautiful inspiration in the morning or evening, they are beautifully illustrated and so divinely feminine!

Harper Collins books! Such a great selection from self help to memoir to romance novels. If you ever need reading inspiration, pop on their Instagram or over to their different categories to explore!

Give the gift of ROCK YOUR BLISS, we have a beautiful gift card available in our BLISS STORE so that you can gift someone our 7 Weeks to Bliss online program! Check it out and join the program to rock your 2018.

Give Creative Gifts that Support a Real Human Working with their Hands:

 KARACOTTA Ceramics: How beautiful to support work made by the real human hands of Kara Pendl, these ceramics are stunning. My favorites are the Sage Burner Bowl, all the Mugs, and the Soap Dishes!

The Rugrat: Deck the walls with handmade rugs from Hannah Pendl (yep, that is her creative sister up there!). I have the Slim Fringe hanging on my wall and it literally makes me smile every single day. A great gift from a Midwest heart to gift any of our boho chic friends!

Tayler Carlisle Photography: If you follow me on Instagram, you know the magical talents of Tayler Carlisle as she captured all my major life moments from my wedding day to Evergreen's newborn photos and our recently family pics of the three of us now that Evi girl is walking! If you are getting married, this woman is the magic. Book her right now. 

Mama Breathe Deeply Malas: How fun to give the gift of intention and ritual from this Mama artist, Anne on Etsy. You can order your kit, choose your intention and get to knotting in 2018! Cheers to us working with our own hands! Created from a space of healing, this Mama infuses love into these beads, I know it. I feel it.

Avo Ink: A fellow book nerd like me, artist Natalie Carrasco is a calligraphy queen. I have custom quotes in my house from her sweet hands to my bare walls that give me the reminders I need every day. And yes, they are quotes about books. Local to FoCo, Co, check out her workshops!

Happy Holidays to you and you and you!

Love, Jacki Carr

I am Happy.

I was speaking with one of my closest friends on the phone the other day. It is so nice to pick up a phone, I am definitely a phone talker over texter. And being a Mother, I have to find times and long drives to connect with friends when the baby girl isn't wanting to read a book, open every drawer or go up and down stairs by herself. 

So, I found that time.

And as we were gabbing back and forth about life, people updates and upcoming holidays, I was being a little cheeky about my Instagram. And as you know, Instagram is really the highlight reel of our lives and it is easy to get drawn into a trap of holy shit, look how great their life is or that person in Bali or that human eating a donut (lucky!). And I sassed that my Instagram makes my life look so good. And chuckled.

And he said, it really does.

And I said, you know what? My life is really good right now. I am happy, I am really happy.

He said I know you are and it shows.

Immediately I began to feel bad. Why do we do that? Like we need a reason to be happy or proof of all the work we have put in to be happy. Do you do that? I do that. 

And then I let that shit go. I replayed what I had just said. I said I was happy, I actually said I am really happy.

And I am.

After hanging up the phone, I smiled. I actually gushed. I realized I have not said that out loud in a long time. Perhaps I had gotten into my old beliefs of scarcity or looking at everything I don't have (and they do on Instagram or down the block), the challenges that were coming up that week, the hustle, the last time I washed my hair (it has been a while) or the bank account. And by perhaps, that is totally the cycle I had been down the past few months. 

So exhausting.

However, I said it. It slipped out. All the truth of the matter, I am happy. 

So simple. So clear. And even writing it now, so emotional.

What if it were that simple? To say out loud: I am happy. 

And if you are not, or if you say it and your body is like nope - then inquire within. Why not? What is needed to be happy? Can I be happy now, even though I don't have that number in my account, that boyfriend, that body, that grace? Can I be happy with what I am learning, the people I do love and the experiences I have had thus far. 

Let's explore happiness in sufficiency, in the abundance of what we do have, in all that juicy gratitude. Because as I keep asking myself, what if it can be that simple?

Love, Jacki 



Holding Hands with my Daughter

Recently I was traveling for work and a dear friend's wedding. The trips began to run into one another with a nanny here, late pick up for my husband at Evi's day school and my family flying in for a weekend to hang with the little one. What felt like 2 weeks of travel actually felt like an entire month and I realized rather quickly that I had passed that feeling of 'busy' and cozied right on up to 'overwhelm'.

And yet, as I think about it, I was not overwhelmed with too much to do. Honestly, I had nothing to do and thought it would feel amazing. I wasn't overwhelmed with back to back clients or feeling behind. The truth is, the overwhelm came from a place of lonely. 

I have spent some time, tears, development and major communication within myself to build the family I have. I am talking unraveling the ego, re-writing stories and letting a lot of a lot of mind-drama go so that I could really love my husband, Chris and of course welcome our child into this World over 17 months ago. 

And let me tell you what I did before I left for that 2 weeks stint of travel and work offerings.... I started to detach and disconnect. I detached from my family, from my home and really from my own body. A defense mechanism to not feel pain, I inched myself out a few rings on my boundary shield and let myself feel not needed. In a twisted way, I thought this would make my leaving easier. For everyone.

And during my trip(s), I had a hard time being present. I forgot everything everywhere. Keys were at this house, a jacket was at that coffee shop I went to yesterday and my Birks were left in her backyard. It had to be so annoying to my friends running me all around town to pick up all my shit.

So I land back home here in Colorado. And by land I mean I have been home a few days but it took me a few more to truly land. Land in my home. Land in my body. Land in my heart. 

And I was putting my little Evi girl down for bed as she had basically fallen asleep in my arms. And as I lay her down, she rolls over and then reaches and arm up high in the air. Of course, Mama instincts move me to put my hand in hers. And in that moment, she brings my hand to her heart and she holds on. Even in the moments I thought, okay, she is passed out, she would not let go. 

And I wept. 

I mean full on wept, teeth baring, sob style.

Because she needs her Mama. And oh my beating heart, I need her so much. And those moments over the past 2 weeks when I was gone, my heart was lonely for my daughter. Not because my friends aren't entertaining or absolutely the best humans ever to be around, however, right now in these precious moments of her very young life, I wanted to be with my daughter. With my husband. In our home. Growing together. 

So I held her hand and leaned over that crib for a good 33 minutes. And then I picked her back up and I sat in her chair in her room and I held her while she slept. Just like that book, 'I'll Love You Forever'. I picked her right back up and rocked her back and forth, back and forth. And I loved her deeply. I connected with her sleepy self. And I felt the pain of being gone sweep over me, I let go of judgement in the choices I had made and I went all in. 

And I re-attached.

Right where I am meant to be. To feel it all. Present, pain, imperfect, and so committed. 

I am still learning, you guys. Still learning how to be a Mother, Wife, Entrepreneur, Friend. And I stumble and fall often. I share with you because it feels so good to learn together. 

I promise not to detach when I leave. In times like these in the World right now, there is no time for past drama and fear of pain, you go all in with the most vulnerable love you have got. We have to. However, I will leave again, I have big work to do. Yet, I will not do back to back trips over 4 days. I will travel 1 X month only. And I will trust that my career will shift to support my family needs as I make requests of myself and others to do so. 

Always so dynamic this Mom life.

In it. 







Balance, Not One Size Fits All

I posted a few weeks go on my Instagram about writing. And I love your thoughts so I asked what you all wanted to read about and almost every single private message response had the inquiry of 'how do you balance it all?'. 

And I have been thinking about balance. My meaning of balance. What are all the things I actually have to balance in my life. How does balance feel? And the biggest question: am I actually in balance? 

I find it to be an elusive word.

Because balance looks different to every single person and how they operate, what their values are, what their beliefs are. I do not believe in a one size fits all balance. Well, to be real, I don't believe in a one size fits all anything, ever. So, my personal definition of balance is a space within my mind and body where I feel stable, in choice and responsible for my actions.

And holy shift, I have done a lot of work to get to that definition in my life, in my psyche, in my actions. And holy shift, I fail a lot. And I forgive a lot.

Here are my ways I rock the balance, or as you all wrote, here is how I balance it all:

1) I listen in to my own body. Okay, okay, I really practice listening to my body. I would say from my teens to mid twenties, I tuned out the channel that is called BODY. I listened to my mind, I compared myself to others and I tried to prove, prove, prove. As I started to rebuild a relationship with my body, tune in that dial that had gotten real fuzzy and allow the sensations to speak to me, feel the feeling that bring me into the present and start to know the feelings that make me so actually aware when I am off, hello responsibility. THIS is where I have a checks and balances for BALANCE, the relationship of mind and body sensations, or what we call in my work, body triggers. I urge you to listen in, even if you don't want to, the awareness is where choice lives. 

2) I know what is most important to me, what matters to me, what fills my soul cup way up. Do you remember that vase analogy? You take a vase and you have sand, little rocks and big rocks to place in the vase and a glass of water. The big rocks exemplify your priorities, the little rocks are more second hand priorities on the to do list, and the sand is like little details and less priority. And it goes like this, you put it all in starting with sand, then pebbles and big rocks, and you pour a glass of water and that vase runneth over. HOWEVER, you start with big rocks, then little rocky pebbles and then sand and there is way more space and water fits in that vase. It is magic. Okay, it is science and spatial awareness, however, this is how we are living. Are you putting those tiny less priority details first and living your most important priorities last on your list? As Michael Jackson would say, 'better make that change, gonna feel real good, j'mom...CHANGE'. Know what is important, I do this through my core values and I allow myself to put my big rocks in first, my family, my time with nature and my connection to myself and others go on the calendar first. Then comes the rest where time is available. Try it. 

3) Speaking of TIME, I find this to be a heavy hitter when it comes to balance. So many of us are rocking beliefs that go like this: "I never have the time", "I am always late!", "Who has time for that?", "Where does the time go?" or for real, "Where the f*cking f*ck did the time go?". And we live in reaction to time. I still do this some days. However, I have been trying on a new belief that goes a little something like this: "Time is on my side and we work together". This, THIS THIS THIS, is were I take responsibility for my language that creates the lens in which I see the world, in which I watch the clock and how I make it all happen. This is where I take responsibility for everything that goes on my calendar because I was the one that said YES to it. And this is where I am able to create time, like Hermione in Harry Potter with her time-tuner (herd alert). I feel that language is powerful, use it wisely especially with TIME.

4) I lean on my people to tell it to me straight. I have a powerhouse group of people in my life that I have hand selected, or the Universe hand elected for me to run into and I was wise enough to see them, hear them and keep them around. These people are on what I call my Board of Directors and they are the ones that reflect my actions when I am too deep in the details and perhaps way out of balance. My husband is a master at this, a MASTERmind at knowing when I have too much on my plate, when I haven't sweat and moved my body in a week or when overwhelm is creating a weird tone in my voice and in my overall energy. And I have a few others that will sit me down and tell me the truth when I have gone off the rails and I love them madly, deeply, truly for this. AND, here is a big and, I have given them permission to be this in my life and asked them to continue to boldly call me out, even when it feels uncomfortable. And they do and I listen with grace. It may take me a few minutes, hours or a day or so, and grace always follows. Choose your people wisely, appoint them to your board and pass out the permission slips for accountability. 

5) Last one. And you better get your notes out because this is a doozy of an F word. Forgiveness. When it comes to balance, I have learned to forgive myself faster. When I have gone off balance, when I put the sand in first or when my friends call me out that I am out of control, I used to go into a tailspin of self judgement, self doubt and fear. Fear that you don't like me anymore, fear that I don't know myself, fear that I am so far gone that I will never be able to come back. And now, I stop, collaboration and listen. Oh yes, I just did that. I stop and pause, I listen in to my body and my people and I collaborate and I forgive and create choice in that moment. It might not look like balance in my schedule or my days right away, yet it feels like balance in my mind and body and it has to be there first!

Your turn.

You tell me what balance means to you. And perhaps try on a new language twist, clarify your values and making them your big rocks and for the love of love, forgive yourself so much faster. This is a practice and we get to meet yourselves in all the moments and get responsible versus reactive. 

Love, Jacki 

 Photo Magic X  Matt Meyer

Photo Magic X Matt Meyer

Stepping Off of my 33 Year Old Throne

My best friend often screens shots her horoscope a la Chani Nichols and texts it to me, to make sure we are in sync and I know what is up. Every time she does this, I rush to my inbox to find my own horoscope and lean on the stars for insight and a different take on life. 

A couple of weeks ago, around the time of the eclipse (cue emotional shit show), I got a note about shedding old habits that were going to creep back in and a nod to really get grounded in all realms of my life. 

So I got real literal with the stars and truth, I went a little cray. I have four pages in a journal with the word FEMINIST on the front that lists ALL of my old habits that used to wreck me (and others). I meditated on what I needed to release and almost started to listen a little too deep to that darkness, as if I were calling the old habits back in to prove a point.

Probably not what the horoscope meant...

And yet in doing so, I realized these past few weeks that I have really been judging my past selves, because as you know, there are many versions that I have grown out of. I have been making my teen self wrong for that one pattern of self sabotage, I have been making my twenty-something self wrong for those moments of debauchery or human error induced by alcohol and I have been making my early thirty something self wrong for those moments of insecurity, doubt and fear. 

Sitting here on my 33 year old throne preaching and pointing fingers and passing judgement and thinking I am so much better than those younger versions

My younger version self was when she really was doing the best she could with what she had, with what she knew at that time. My younger version self that was throwing herself into all the chaos in hopes to find what worked, answering the question of what love means to me and even letting someone show me? When I was out there, really out there exploring all the risks in order to know the truth. My younger version self that was so fun, a weird definition of feminist, a bit frenetic and highly emotional with a lot of walls.

Up here on my throne at 33, I forget that all of those girls live within me. Still. They are me and I am them. Still. 

I can choose to judge or I can choose to honor every lesson, every mistake, every emotional moment that taught me who I am in this very moment. 

I have the choice to love so deeply all the parts of me.

And oh. I see. There in that choice lies the shedding. 

I realize it wasn't the shedding of the actual habits that needed to take place, yet more of the emotional grasp and judgmental tone I was taking with them. Honoring them all and knowing choice of all the habits and rituals and versions of myself.

Oh that sweet nectar of choice. 

And here I go, growing up again. Funny how it feels like stepping off the throne and sitting down with all of me right here in the dirt.

So grounded. 



A 1/2 Way Year in Review: 2017

I know.

I know. It has been a long while. I have been rocking my writing over on our Rock Your Bliss blog and sharing new content!

However. Here I am. 

I recently prompted in my monthly Goals Alive Newsletter to take the time to celebrate the 1/2 way mark that is July. As a goal setter, goal coach and well, goals everything, I find that I can often get caught up in the future, the next steps and forget to take the time to look back, celebrate and learn. 

So, here is my 1/2 way review from 2017, I invite you to do the same!

1) Celebrate your three greatest accomplishments this year. 

1) My daughter Evi now picks out a book and crawls in my lap to read. It is my favorite part of every single day.

2) I was honored beyond measure to create a 2 day people development retreat for Patagonia HQ in California. A company I have long followed and loved, I was honored to create content and deliver power goals work to their team in a badass house we rented called the Whale House (literally in the shape of a WHALE!). 

3) Our Rock Your Bliss retreats have fully sold out this year in under 2 weeks. So excited to be co-creating a movement of bliss with Mary Beth LaRue and connecting to a community of women that make my heart beat (online and offline)!

BONUS: We have friends in Colorado that we love!

2) Anything you want to change or work on for the back half of 2017, consider your core values, your intentions for the year that you sent in January or take a peek at your goals? 

As I write this, my right eye keeps having a weird little twitch. I am curious if this is connected to my screen time or the way that I am handling (or not handling) stress. After having our daughter, Evergreen, I have been meeting so many new parts of myself (fine, insert a minor identity crisis really as I took on the title, 'Mama). I would like to change my relationship with my phone and focus on boundaries. How: I have turned off all notifications (from text, Instagram, all of them) so I am not bombarded. I will batch my emails and not peek at the hidden folder!

3) Are there any new intentions to set or recalibrate? 

Creativity feels like the intention I choose for the rest of 2017. I am committing now to a new sweat regimen for my body that has evolved and changed after birth (to be determined if that is running, yoga, or something I don't even know yet). I want to commit to my writing. It matters. And as I sit here, I realize this year that I am open to new ways of being, as in ways I show up and it has to do with softening. Way more softening. 

And, I would like to continue my relationship with my sleep health (hello 7.5 hours for the win every night...when Evi allows it). 

4) And finally, what is one major accomplishment you would like to complete by December 31, 2017?

Chris and I have a deep seated goal of being homeowners in Colorado in the mountains. It feels big, emotional, daunting, and a dynamic goal we have to set aside our egos for and commit all in.


Okay, your turn.

Celebrate your 2017 year thus far and recalibrate for the rest. Always rooting for you and your goals alive!


A Year in Review: 2016

I walked in the snow to my local coffee shop to sit, write, reflect and concentrate. It was the 5th of January and 8 degrees outside, my phone froze on the way there. It was magic.

I wanted to take time to honor, learn and appreciate all that was 2016. Celebrate all the amazing that happened and get clear on some of the not so amazing that I can learn from today, now, in this moment. 

Upon sitting down at the community table with my Americano and one huge water, I opened my gold computer. Yes, it is totally new and I love it, yet I immediately closed it. I reached into my bag pulled out a turquoise notebook and a pen.

I began to write.

I began to feel. 

On the LEFT side of my page I wrote the word 'JOY' and on the RIGHT side of my page, I wrote the word 'LEARN' and above it was 2016 in large print and a note in the top L-hand that read 'A Year in Review'. I began to write on either side, flipping back and forth as my mind scrolled through the month of the past year. I caught myself in a public space on the brink of tears, as I often do as a fairly emotional human-Mama-being.

Here are a few of my reflections: 


+ Falling in love with my body (perhaps for the first time, ever) while pregnant. Realizing the celebration, the acceptance, the immense power and magic was ... well, it was magic. 

+ The birth of our daughter, Evergreen Marie. My life and how I love is forever changed. I am Mama. 

+ How alignment with intuition matters in all domains of my life. Especially in love, in celebrating my marriage every single moment. 

+ My inaugural Novel Grapes Book Club Camp, a retreat to Grand Lake. We hiked, we wine'd, we book club'd, we face mask'd. It was magic and I led the entire retreat with Evi there (with support of her Grandpa and my husband, of course)!

+ So grateful for a family who flies in to support and spoil Evi so that I can share my gifts with the World.

+ Launching our first Rock Your Bliss 7 Weeks to Bliss online offering with Mary Beth LaRue. And then offering it twice more in one year. A whole new chapter to RYB, the community is real.

+ My college best friend, Alex and her husband moved to Colorado. Alex held my hand at my home when I went into labor and was one of the very first people to meet Evi Earthside. Special.

+ The actual monumental feat of labor + delivery with Chris. The teamwork, the listening and the deep seated love we share, I cry typing this. I promised to listen to Chris in our wedding vows and I listened like I have never before when he coached me breath by breath to meet our daughter. 

+ Seeing my best friend, Matt Hoglund stand up on a stage and produce and rock his one-man-show in support of his trip to Africa with Imagine1Day. My heart on fire as my family flew to LA to surprise and support him!

+ On a microphone in front of a group of people is my bliss. I am a public speaker and I love the work that goes into it, all the jitters and the major connection it creates. This is me on purpose. 


+ Dear Jacki, learn again and again to keep in the practice of listening to your whole body and slow way, way, way down. Or, the Universe will make you.

+ Healing takes time. Enter patience. This is grace. 

+ There is no such thing as over communication.

+ On a beach with Mary Beth in February, our friendship transformed and do I and of course, so di our business. Real talk for the win. Every single time.

+ Asking for help and realizing that I really cannot do it alone. And, I don't want to. 

+ Learning that my natural state is abundance and releasing inherited legacies that do not make all those amazing images on my vision board even feel close/real. Patterns run deep. 

+ Everything in my calendar, I said 'yes' to. Make sure to say YES to your values and all of you (beyond career and money)!

+ If you feel something, say something. 

+ Making friends in your 30s is interesting. 

+ Sleep IS important. 

+ My writing is salve to my soul. And there are some days where I receive an email from someone that read my words and relates and perhaps we get to heal and laugh, together. That is why I write. 


 Grounded in my celebrations and my learnings, 2017 I am ready. Now. 

Love, Jacki 

 Photo X CJ Conrad

Photo X CJ Conrad

A Monthly Review: December + January Intentions


Each month I have a ritual of clearing out the bullshit that might have been my previous month, celebrating all the good stuff (a must) and then I create a space for the new month with three new words and goals to set my sails on a conscious course (inspired by the amazing Nicole Antoinette).  I find it to be an intentional practice that creates a checks & balances type system, hello accountability and personal responsibility.

So, here we go, January 1...I mean, January 5 wake up, get up...

The two things I’m most celebrating from December are:

1) I completed my igolu Level 2 Practicum calls with five groups of incredible humans! For my Level 2 certification that I had embarked in for most of the duration of 2016, I practiced with brave souls who graciously allowed me to 'practice on them'. Celebrating and awaiting my certificate to start offering it monthly!

2) I made a commitment to myself to read over the holidays and truly relax. This took asking my husband and his family for support to watch Evi or turn on the fireplace so I could snuggle next to it with my holiday read of Rob Lowe's Autobiography. And I am happy to say, I did just that!

The two things I’m most grateful for from December are:

1) Grateful for family, my own and my Hynes family. Creating new traditions and sharing the love during my favorite season. 

2) So grateful for all the love Evi received on her first Christmas season! 

Anything to release or let go of from December, speak now: Honestly, I have felt some money drama creeping into my mind and wellbeing. Choosing to release it right .... now. 

The lesson I learned and am carrying forward with me from December is: Being open to the magic of change allows life to run much more smoothly. 

My intention word(s) for January is/are: RELAX

One thing I aim to do every day in January is: trust my gut. 

Because I am brave, here are two new/scary things I will do in January:

1) Get on a plane with Evi as we travel to California to host the Rock Your Bliss Ojai retreat! Honestly, every month on a plane ride is different, we shall see what this one brings. Reminder to self: I am Strong as a Mother. 

2) I will sign up for a Beginners' Knitting Class!

The one book I definitely want to read in December is ... 'The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World' by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu with Douglas Abrams. We are reading this for my Novel Grapes online book club. Goal to read in 2017, you are invited! Join in here. 

Just for fun, I will… go snowshoeing in Rocky!

As an act of intentional kindness, I will… do that wonderful thing where you buy someone's coffee in the drive thru or in line. I will do this five times this month!

Your turn, explore your monthly review and get intentional with your month of January. No time like the present to get intentional and maybe press that RESTART button (or hell, even press START).

Happy 2017. A Year in Review to follow. 

Love, Jacki

A Monthly Review: November + December Intentions

Each month I have a ritual of clearing out the bullshit that might have been my previous month, celebrating all the good stuff (a must) and then I create a space for the new month with three new words and goals to set my sails on a conscious course (inspired by the amazing Nicole Antoinette).  I find it to be an intentional practice that creates a checks & balances type system, hello accountability and personal responsibility.

So, here we go, December 1 wake up, get up...

The two things I’m most celebrating from November are:

1) Totally celebrating Chris and I for roadtripping to my hometown of Houston, Texas for Thanksgiving, with a jaunt in Austin for the weekend of fun before! We had great conversation as the open road always calls for that, Evi baby was an absolute dream roadtripper and we enjoyed family love and delicious turkey!

2) I am celebrating my best friend Matt Hoglund for absolutely rocking his goal of delivering one sweet one-man show in California to support his Imagine1day fundraiser. We flew out to surprise him and bare witness to the magic and he brought the house down via voice, killed it in the style department in a merlot suit, and met his goal of raising over 10K for his March trip to deliver igolu and build a school in Ethiopia! WOW!

The two things I’m most grateful for from November are:

1) A lot of my favorite humans were born in November. My Mama, my littlest sister, my best friend Alex, my husband...(to name a few!). Honestly grateful they were born. Period. 

2) My middle little sister moved to Colorado! She is taking up residence in our guest room and we have sipped red wine watching holiday films, she is loving up Evi bear while I travel in December and she cooks! We have a very special sister bond and it is a joy to see her every morning, truly. We used to share a trundle bed growing up, how fun to be roommates again! Now all the Carr sisters live in CO, so I will sing WE ARE FAMILY, I GOT ALL MY SISTERS WITH ME!

Anything to release or let go of from November, speak now: Whoa nelly. I packed my plate too full this month of November. I release the imbalance in my calendar (and mind) and have decided to take a TAKE 2 with my scheduling for December. 

The lesson I learned and am carrying forward with me from November is: I keep learning this lesson and it bares repeating: Alignment does not happen just once, it happens always and in all ways. Communication is clutch, keep it up. 

My intention word(s) for December is/are: MINDFUL. 

One thing I aim to do every day in December is: Move this body. Run, yoga, dance, bootcamp and pilates, I am back and it feels so good to be exploring this postpartum bod with self love, grace and all the gentle cheerleading.

Because I am brave, here are two new/scary things I will do in December:

1) Make the time to take myself for a massage. Mary Beth and I gifted each other one to celebrate all the Rock Your Bliss love of 2016 and I keep saying I will book it and I don't put it on the calendar. On it. 

2) I will celebrate Christmas with my husband's family this year. This is very new for me as every year I have celebrated at my Grandmas' respective houses with my own family in Indiana. Tradition run deep for me. And I know that marriage is splitting time with our families that we love and I am ready to go all in and experience the Hynes Holidays. And yes, I am scared that I will have FOMO and be emotional and miss my Gram. And yes, yes, I know I will be totally fine and it will be so special to explore new traditions. #grownup

The one book I definitely want to read in December is ... 'The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom' by don Miguel Ruiz. We are reading this for my Novel Grapes online book club, you are invited, join in here. 

Just for fun, I will… host an ugly sweater Christmas soiree!

As an act of intentional kindness, I will… create a free online workshop in December, details TBD!

Your turn, explore your monthly review and get intentional with your month of December. No time like the present to get intentional and maybe press that RESTART button (or hell, even press START).


Love, Jacki

 My fave holiday pic from life in Venice Beach, CA! Photo Cred:  Armin Razmy

My fave holiday pic from life in Venice Beach, CA! Photo Cred: Armin Razmy

A Monthly Review: October & November Intentions

Each month I have a ritual of clearing out the bullshit that might have been my previous month, celebrating all the good stuff (a must) and then I create a space for the new month with three new words and goals to set my sails on a conscious course (inspired by the amazing Nicole Antoinette).  I find it to be an intentional practice that creates a checks & balances type system, hello accountability and personal responsibility.

So, here we go, November 1 wake up, get up...

The two things I’m most celebrating from October are:

1) I celebrate my parents. This past month I got to SEE and experience their vision come to life as I visited their home in Florida. My parents spoke for years about retiring in Florida, walking the beach on the sand and all the happy hour. And they did it, they really did it! The house is bought, decorated and so damn sweet. Retirement in sight and my heart really expands in size witnessing them as grandparents. 

2) Three words. LUSH BATH BOMBS. (Note: This is not a sponsored post. However, I would be really happy if it was...did you hear that LUSH?)

The three things I’m most grateful for from October are:

1) Our Fall Edition of our Rock Your Bliss online program, 7 Weeks to Bliss came to its final week this October. I am so grateful for the participation, the connection, the tribe, the growth I experience every time in leading and living this work. I literally have a countdown ready for the next launch!

2) If you are a friend of mine, you know I bask in the glow of quality time. Erin Thomas, my best friend from IU college days, thank you for the quality time in Indianapolis this past month. So grateful you spent time with the little lady, Evi so I could speak at the conference, so grateful we ordered that second beer and busted out the core value cards in the bar, grateful truly walking the mall with you, and so grateful you keep me around. Thankful for you. 

3) I am so grateful for talented friends in my life who share their gifts so radiantly. Like my wedding photographer turned dear friend, Tayler Carlisle, who I love hiking with, sitting with, drinking butter coffee with. We went on a hike this past month in Evergreen, Colorado and styled some fun snaps with brands I love to show love. Evi slept on a plaid blanket while I got to feel like a freaking supermodel in the trees. It was so empowering for me to see pictures of just me. I have been pregnant and holding sweet Evi for the last 16 months. And you know I love it so much. And, I do want you to know, seeing these images, I felt beautiful, I felt powerful, I felt so me in these pictures. That other part of my identity. Thankful for friends who let me see and feel ALL the parts of me.  

Anything to release or let go of from October, speak now: Truth be told, I hit the panic button this past month. Deep in the depths of how my life, my bank account, my mother-ing skills and my career life SHOULD look, I lost my way for a hot minute (okay, way longer than a minute). I choose to let go of the tight grip of an old belief system. Letting. that. shit. go. 

The lesson I learned and am carrying forward with me from October is: Again and again I learn that communication is key. Whether it is learning to ask for help, sharing when it gets dark in here, and crying in front of my husband, expression is where it is at. 

My intention word(s) for November is/are: Trust the timing. 

One thing I aim to do every day in November is: Write myself a love note every morning. 

Because I am brave, here are two new/scary things I will do in November:

1) I will do a full day digital detox. A say no to screens day. It is so necessary.

2) Cook a three course meal for my husband! (HELP ME!)

The one book I definitely want to read in November is 'Lots of Candle, Plenty of Cake: A Memoir of a Woman's Life' by Anna Quindlen. We are reading this for my Novel Grapes online book club, you are invited, join in here. 

Just for fun, I will… sake bomb with my family over Thanksgiving holiday!

As an act of intentional kindness, I will… leave these love notes all over Denver, Houston and Idaho!

Your turn, explore your monthly review and get intentional with your month of November. No time like the present to get intentional and maybe press that RESTART button (or hell, even press START).

Happy November and dare I say it, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Love, Jacki

 Me in the trees.  Photo Cred:  @taylercarlislephotography

Me in the trees.  Photo Cred: @taylercarlislephotography

How to Look in the Mirror

Dear Evi,

I have many dreams for you. As your Mama, it is what we do. We dream dreams for you. Every single day. 

Lately, I have been having a recurring dream. It is a day dream, so that is a dream that happens in the days as I am wide awake. In these days at your wise age of 5.75 months old, our moments are filled with reading books, playing on the floor and looking in the mirror. Yes, we look in the mirror about 18 times a day because you love it so much. 

Let me tell you about you and the mirror. 

Evi, when you look in the mirror, at first you are in wonder. Your brain seems to be capturing the image in front of you, you in my arms, your eyes, your face, my face. And you contemplate for a moment. 

Then, you smile. You smile the biggest smile at yourself. As if you have never seen someone so wonderful, so beautiful, so full of life and growing every day. 

Then you pause again. To think it through, from what I can see.

And following that thought you smile again and make a loud noise. And then you get a little bashful and retreat into my shoulder and then pop back up again to make sure you are still there. And you are. You are still there, alive and growing and beaming and cooing. 

And I kiss your face. And you reach for the mirror. You reach for your reflection. You reach for yourself in that moment, as if to give yourself a high five or that ET Phone Home moment with your index finger. 

These moments in the mirror, I learn from you.

Or moreover, I unlearn. 

Because it has been a long, long, long time since Mama looked at herself this way. Since I can even remember. When I look in the mirror I am looking for problems. I lean in and seek the blemish, I lean in and see the eyebrow growth or ever recurring mustache. I lean in closer to see if my eyes look tired or inquire if my bangs will EVER grow out again or if my boobs will ever match again. I lean in to criticize my reflection.

But not anymore. 

You have taught me to see myself and smile. You have taught me to look at the whole picture, contemplate and laugh. You have taught me to see myself growing and being oh so human and alive. Now, I reach for myself in that reflection, instead of the approval of others.

I dream for you that you always look at yourself this way in the mirror today and every day to come. Always. I dream for you that you smile and see you growing into the person you choose to be. I dream for you that you laugh out loud at yourself and that you continue to reach for yourself, high five yourself or ET phone home with your index finger and recognize that you are home within your own body when you choose that fierce, bold, courageous love of your own reflection. 

I dream this for you.

I dream this for me.

I dream this for all women when they looks themselves in the mirror that they smile, and laugh, and high five and so boldly love all that we are becoming.  

Thank you for teaching me, Evi. I promise to keep (un)learning.

Love, your student, your Mama

A Monthly Review: September and October Intentions

Each month I have a ritual of clearing out the bullshit that might have been my previous month, celebrating all the good stuff (a must) and then I create a space for the new month with three new words and goals to set my sails on a conscious course (inspired by the amazing Nicole Antoinette).  I find it to be an intentional practice that creates a checks & balances type system, hello accountability and personal responsibility.

So, here we go, October 1, wake up, get up...

The two things I’m most celebrating from September are:

1) My inaugural Novel Grapes Book Club Retreat in Grand Lake, Colorado was a goal come to life and much, much more than I could have ever imagined. The attendees were incredible, the book club conversations went deep and the Fall leaves changed on cue, the mountain weather was immaculate, my Dad was there as my 'manny (you know, male-nanny)' to watch Evi, and a sisterhood was created in 4 days that left an imprint on my heart and nourished my soul to the absolute brim. I celebrate the courage I had to put it out there and create from my heartspace.

2) And I am celebrating my dynamic life this month, as I travelled for work to LA and Des Moines to Rock the Bliss with Mary Beth LaRue for five full days away from Evi and I only had a major breakdown three times (all at the airports). I am a Mother AND and an entrepreneur, living my 'and' with purpose. 

The two things I’m most grateful for from September are:

1) I am so, so, so, so grateful for family. My Dad flew in from Texas to watch Evi so I could lead book camp (and he could steal Grandpa time, my Mom is so jealous!). My husband drove up to book camp and upon arrival he immediately washed dishes, made fires and told me I was doing a great job. And my Mother-in-Law flew in to watch Evi for the five days I was flying around making bliss happen. Thankful for the village.

2) My little sister texted me this past month asking to come 'home' and hang with Chris, Evi and me. A dose of family goes a long way when feeling a bit of homesick your first weeks in college (she is an hour away at University of Northern Colorado, Go Bears!). I am grateful we have the relationship where she can call me and be honest about what she is feeling, it really makes me feel loved and the big sister role never, ever, ever gets old (even when she is all grown up).

Anything to release or let go of from September, speak now: I am releasing the pressure to make a round peg fit into a square hole. If whatever project I am working on does not organically flow, I have choice to start over, reach out for help, let it go and move on and last but not least, the all too often forgotten action of breathing. 

The lesson I learned and am carrying forward with me from September is: Dear Self, you are so capable of more than you know. Take it one day at a time, one meeting at a time, one coffee cup at a time. 

My intention word(s) for October is/are: JOY. 

One thing I aim to do every day in October is: Write. I have joined a writer's workshop this month to continue to learn about my authentic voice. I will be committing to the space in my schedule to continue to create that portal for myself and others where I share my truth, express my thoughts and heal. 

Because I am brave, here are two new/scary things I will do in October:

1) I will go on vacation. For some people this seems easy or luxurious, yet for me and my work ethic, this feels scary. I am off to Florida with my family this month and I do have some hours on the sand and red wine to sip with my family that feels essential to my soul. 

2) I will create a LIVE online workshop for CORE VALUES and send each attendee their own core values deck that I had made!

Pssst, I totally (finally) wore the lingerie from my last month's intention blog. Nailed it. 

The one book I definitely want to read in October is: 'Love Warrior' by Glennon Doyle Melton. We are reading this for my Novel Grapes online book club, you are invited, join in here. 

Just for fun, I will… make a pact with my husband that every time the song 'My Boo' plays we absolutely have to stop what we are doing and do the Running Man Challenge dance. Public places, shower, bedroom, at the is on. 

As an act of intentional kindness, I will… send 6 snail mail postcards out to bring some love to your old school mailbox. Stamps purchased!

Your turn, explore your monthly review and get intentional with your month of October. No time like the present to get intentional and maybe press that RESTART button (or hell, even press START).

Happy October to you and you and you! I LOVE FALL!

Love, Jacki

 That one time at the Novel Grapes Book Camp when I planned us a guided boat tour and when we arrived to our pontoon boat, they handed ME the keys and I was the tour guide. Happened.  Photo Cred:  Tayler Carlisle Photography

That one time at the Novel Grapes Book Camp when I planned us a guided boat tour and when we arrived to our pontoon boat, they handed ME the keys and I was the tour guide. Happened.

Photo Cred: Tayler Carlisle Photography

That Mom Life, Though: A Product Review

Okay Mamas, it is about time I put together some of the products that are rocking my Mom Life game. I know every baby is different and I also know we are all doing the best we can with what we have got. And hell, I might have something you don't got that you are going to want to get got!

Here we go:

1) California Baby | We put this Newborn gift set on our registry and are still using it! We love the products and the French Lavender lotion is perfect after bath and helps calm her to sleep (you will see, I am a fan of anything and everything to support sleep). 

2) This Petal doTerra Diffuser | My doTerra heartbeat and founder of Inspired Wellness, Audra gifted us this diffuser before Evi was born. We use it every. single. day. I even had it in my labor & delivery room. We fill it up with Lavender, On Guard, Breathe, or Lemon (to name a few) and sleep like bricks (yes, Evi, too). 

3)  Baby Merlin's Magic Sleepsuit | Evi literally looks like Ralphie's little bro (Randy) from A Christmas Story when he can't put his arms down in all that winter gear. And she sleeps like a dream, so thank you to the wizard makers.

4) These Baba Bandz | It was really important for Chris to feed Evi to feel that connection. Took me a month and a half to get that pump life going and when I did, I needed a note on the bottles in the fridge to know which was which and what was still fresh! These rubber bands are a dream to add the dates/times to each bottle!

5) My Strong as a Mother Club tank top. | Because it says Strong as a Mother. Period.

6) Bla Bla Dolls | These soft and sweet dolls are so ugly they are cute. Evi was gifted Legend the Unicorn by her Auntie Allyson and she wraps her arms around it and my heart expands just a little bit more. 

7) bebebyme Baby Headphones | We took Evi to her first concert to see Ray Lamontagne and she rocked these mint green headphones like a baby champion!

8) Moccasins, All the baby moccasins! | We love minimocs (yep, in neon hot pink) and moc happens from Itzy Ritzy (we have the little fox pair!). Great gifts to give and so fun to see on chubby baby legs!  

9) Ergo Baby | I went a little crazy trying all the baby wearing carries. And we love the Ergo. We are hikers and on-the-go, so this was a MUST. 

10) BOB Revolution Flex Stroller | We love this heavy duty stroller, I am still exploring my jogging legs and this stroller makes me feel pretty badass. 

11) A Pak N Play | Get one. We have this Graco one in navy blue and love it!

Moms, what are your favorites? We can add to the list, these are a few of my favorites thus far!

Love, Mama Jacki (and Evi)

 A visit to Rocky Mountain National Park. 

A visit to Rocky Mountain National Park.