I have had a lot of conversations lately around friendships. How friendships ebb and flow, how they change, how some are meant to be in your life for only a certain amount of time and how some you are currently transitioning out of, bringing closer, making new.
Especially in this time now. When we move a lot...for love, for jobs, for our vision boards. When we interact online more than offline. When we don't marry our high school sweethearts anymore or go to church every Sunday.
Times. They are a-changing.
And with this conversation, I have been thinking about my friendships. The people I choose to spend my time with, share my life with and have fun adventures with and experience life's hard stuff with and celebrate with.
I realize looking back I have had such an eclectic mix of people. From elementary to high school to college to my Hollywood life to my lululemon life to married life to Rocky Mountain life now. WOW. And some of those friends are still close, some are nonexistent, some are broken friendships and some are on pause while others feel like family.
And for some reason, I have been focusing on the broken friendships. The ones that are gone now, for whatever the reason it was that it all shifted and they are no longer in my life. Was it me? Was it them? Where can I place blame to feel better? But you know, not better.
Of course, in this moment, I see my fair share of responsibility in the matter. And I see my fair share in the realization that it wasn't all them, I changed and thus, we changed.
When it comes to letting go of a friendship, I have found the part that was and is hardest for me to let go of was the future I had created with that friend. The trips we might take together, how my children might call them 'Aunt' or 'Uncle', and who they would be for me down the line.
Perhaps this feeds into my big picture thinker, my right brain ways, the dreamer in me. And whoa, do I paint the picture in the future and usually it is a beautiful piece of work. Full of color, connection, adventure and so much loyalty.
And then, as if painted on glass, the image shatters.
And you know what, that is okay.
In letting go of friendships, I realize I have to let go of the future I had written. And take the time to feel the loss, mourn the lost vision and truly let go (and cough, most likely forgive...). And then, only then, I see I actually get to rewrite it with perhaps new characters, space for a different friend, a different 'Uncle' or 'Aunt' friend-that-feels-like-family.
Our only constant in this life is change. When I fight this notion, I create so much stress and drama in my mind, body and my goals. If you, like me, are in transition and exploring the ebb and flow of friendships (because I believe it just might be happening at all times), it is nothing to take personally. Honor the space, honor the ebb and flow and perhaps, let that old vision go to make the space.
It can all be in love. It can.