I am Happy.

I was speaking with one of my closest friends on the phone the other day. It is so nice to pick up a phone, I am definitely a phone talker over texter. And being a Mother, I have to find times and long drives to connect with friends when the baby girl isn't wanting to read a book, open every drawer or go up and down stairs by herself. 

So, I found that time.

And as we were gabbing back and forth about life, people updates and upcoming holidays, I was being a little cheeky about my Instagram. And as you know, Instagram is really the highlight reel of our lives and it is easy to get drawn into a trap of holy shit, look how great their life is or that person in Bali or that human eating a donut (lucky!). And I sassed that my Instagram makes my life look so good. And chuckled.

And he said, it really does.

And I said, you know what? My life is really good right now. I am happy, I am really happy.

He said I know you are and it shows.

Immediately I began to feel bad. Why do we do that? Like we need a reason to be happy or proof of all the work we have put in to be happy. Do you do that? I do that. 

And then I let that shit go. I replayed what I had just said. I said I was happy, I actually said I am really happy.

And I am.

After hanging up the phone, I smiled. I actually gushed. I realized I have not said that out loud in a long time. Perhaps I had gotten into my old beliefs of scarcity or looking at everything I don't have (and they do on Instagram or down the block), the challenges that were coming up that week, the hustle, the last time I washed my hair (it has been a while) or the bank account. And by perhaps, that is totally the cycle I had been down the past few months. 

So exhausting.

However, I said it. It slipped out. All the truth of the matter, I am happy. 

So simple. So clear. And even writing it now, so emotional.

What if it were that simple? To say out loud: I am happy. 

And if you are not, or if you say it and your body is like nope - then inquire within. Why not? What is needed to be happy? Can I be happy now, even though I don't have that number in my account, that boyfriend, that body, that grace? Can I be happy with what I am learning, the people I do love and the experiences I have had thus far. 

Let's explore happiness in sufficiency, in the abundance of what we do have, in all that juicy gratitude. Because as I keep asking myself, what if it can be that simple?

Love, Jacki 

Β 

Β