On 34.

Good morning birthday day.

Today, I am 34. 

Now that I have given birth, I actually see birthdays in such a new light. I think of my parents delivering me Earthside at what was something like 2am today. I feel that shock and awe that they must have felt as they were looking at me, a human they created. I have so much gratitude for them, their courage and resiliency. 

Thanks Mom & Dad. 

And I embark on 34, I took a moment last night with my husband to think about all that was 33. We deemed it the year of adulting. 33 was intense. I became a Mother at 32, however, at 33 I lovingly became 'Mama' and now 'Mommy'. There is a difference. 

I learned about balance and getting lost. And then found. Again. (and again)

I learned about deep connection while navigating a life shared online and offline. I should note, totally still navigating here with the always intention of deep connection. 

I learned about putting myself out there and asking for help. Yet again. 
And I learned how to knit. 

I learned about money and energy. Again yet in a new way.

And I learned that community, connection and building something new always takes time, patience and a permission slip to be a beginner. 

I learned that my husband, my children, my family and favorite friends are the ones I want to impress and get all the 'likes' from in all the forms. Be it hugs, kisses, text messages or trips together, this is goals alive. 

And I learned that your vision will take command, some times faster than you thought, other times ways slower than you thought. And of course, some times a complete and utter overhaul to allows for your own inner evolutions to create something you never ever had seen before. Of course. 

I learned from experience. I learned from being open. I learned from embracing growing older as truly growing wiser...while eating humble pie every other day and scoffing at some of your old habits, thoughts, beliefs and tendencies. 

As I look to this year, which feels very organized in terms of numbers as the 3 actually goes before the 4 in that order, I am excited. Chris and I will welcome our second daughter into the World and continue to expand our family and our hearts (major heart strech marks). I will speak on stages and mountains about goals setting, boundaries and bliss because this is what I love to do. My friends and I will explore together, both our ever-changing lives as Mothers, lovers and human beings doing the best we can, as well as camping outdoors and sharing deep belly laughter over dinners. I will hire a babysitter more so Chris and I have date nights...like way more. And I will trust trust trust my guts, leaning deeper in my intuition and less into my 'shoulds' and social ideals that I continue to unlearn.

So.

Happy birthday to you, self. Good job so far. Keep it up.

Love,
Jacki  

IMG_1382.JPG