It took everything in my being to put on my run shoes today and hit the pavement. Every single part of me.
I shuffled my feet. I let the dogs out in the backyard. I searched and meandered around contemplating shoe choice, sports bra choice, top choice, run course, to bring or not to bring music. I mean, the get ready and get your ass out the door part truly is, at times, the hardest.
I went through the whole "maybe it is too hot outside and I should wait until it cools down later" ordeal. That whole do it later thing never works for me. Ever. Unless you have like a cupcake on a fishing pole at sundown and you are running in front of me and I'm chasing you.
Truthfully, I have been on this weird sweat hiatus. Do you ever take those? Where you are on fire with your regimen and then you shift and work out like every four days and then maybe five days later and it just is not cutting it? I was in a major hiatus. And if you follow this blog or any social channels, I am not shy about how if I don't sweat, I am not necessarily available for human consumption. I am reactive, aggressive, snarky, judgmental and just an energy vampire.
There is something about the hiatus that feels like a slump. It get a little too comfortable. Where your choices are seriously comfort over sweat. Like sleeping in an hour longer versus getting up and getting to that CrossFit class. Or taking an afternoon nap instead of running for a quick 30. Or staying on the couch and emailing instead of making it to yoga. Literally, you are staying in bed, on a couch or behind a computer/phone screen instead of moving your body (and mind). Comfort over sweat.
And I know that the sweat will make me a better person. I know it.
My husband knows it, too. He literally asked me to go sweat today. He tried to coax me to just run around the block, just one block. You know all too well I am not going to change my entire outfit for one block....
So I depart the front door. Finally.
I put on my wedding playlist. Shuffle.
I open my Nike app. Begin Run.
I feel the heat of the sun and cross the street into shade. Thankful for that Fall breeze creeping in allowing me to pretend I didn't read the 80 degrees marker before I left.
And I run, slowly.
My ego creeps in and starts judging me for letting myself go. Scoffing at my pace and judging me when that 70 year old man passed me. I am not kidding, those are the types of things she says. Ego Jacki is a raging b*tch and I mean it.
I let her know what's up. I tell her to let that shit go. I remind her how long it took me to get out of the house and I celebrate every step I take to make this run a reality. I mentally high five that 70 year old that passed because you go, old man! I let her know that pace time doesn't matter today, today is about basking in the run, feeling the music and finishing what I started.
Do I sound like a crazy person? Do you tell your ego what's up? It is a life practice.
So, I finish the run.
I get home and I make a smoothie. I text my man and I promise to be a better human when he gets home because I sweat today.
He says, 'You go girl'. Love that guy.
So I sit here post abs session, post shower, post smoothie and I contemplate the struggle to sweat. Especially when it was no longer a routine for me, yet I know the results make me ... well ... awesome at life.
Why the is the struggle so real?
I am reading Brene Brown's new book, Rising Strong. Let's just get one thing straight, I love Brene wisdom, she is the real deal. Get the book, like now. She talks about comfort and courage. She shares right up front in Chapter 1,
"I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make choices to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can't have both. Not at the same time" (p. 4).
And I so get it, Brene. And I want to be in the arena, too!
Usually the way you are living in one domain has the immediate ripple in all domains. I know, I know, I hate even writing it because I nod and I'm like, yep self, you are so right. And what I realize in my sweat practice with the hiatus/slump was I choosing comfort. I mean you read it, I was literally choosing comfort in bed pressing snooze. I wasn't being courageous and facing the heat, the early wake up call, my ego or even my goals. And when I look at the bigger picture, I realize that this is a pattern I am currently crafting in my big life. I inquire where this might be taking place in my relationship, my career, my commitments? It is all a yes and while that could be a gnarly rabbit hole, I realize I have choice.
And I realize, I finished my run today.
I got courageous and I ran slow. And I truly believe this shift can create a ripple.
Take moment to ask you are choosing comfort over courage? Where your ego is louder than your truth and your actions speak clarity about your choices.
Lace up. Get out the door. Go run.