I was video chatting with my mentor and friend, Susanne Conrad last week. She is the Founder of igolu, the work I lead and am certified in. We were buzzing about life, learnings from 2015 and already in 2016, sharing my preggo belly life with her and talking about possibilities for the future. Note: I am signed up to be in her Level 2 certification this year, so get ready for that magic coming in hot. As Sus and I were chatting, she asked me about my future, my brand, where I am going and what is coming up for me. She is a full force human and a very powerful energy in my life, when I talk to Sus, I come prepared to rock and no bullshit allowed. You can see why I dig her, huh?
In contemplating her question, I rolled my sweet chair back from my desk and I got honest with her. I was actually in the midst of a huge re-brand overhaul with the insane talents that are SweatShop Creative. We were in the artistic trenches of creating a new logo, redesigning this exact webpage, redefining my own brand values and had big goals of teaching me MailChimp. Like a brand bootcamp, I was signed up and sweating.
I pulled the plug and had to press the pause button on the project.
I emailed the ladies at SweatShop and I told them it was not feeling organic, something was glitching and I needed a minute to think. One of those really truthful 'it's not you, it's me' emails - but I truly meant it. Two days after that email, I was video jamming with Susanne.
She asked the whole where you going question and how can I help.
And to be honest, I don't know right now. I, the vision and goals junkie, do not know.
And you guys, that is okay.
I realized that a lot (a lot multiplied by a lot times one thousand) has changed in the past year. I have moved my life from Venice Beach to Denver. I have become a wife (swoon). I am currently creating a human (still wow). The Rock Your Bliss brand now has two headquarters, West Coast and Rocky Mountains (kind of amazing) and there were big transitions, conversations and emotions in that. My own Goals on the Rocks brand has evolved from a big chunk of brand consulting last year to a deep dives into group work with women, 1:1 coaching clients, speaking and writing. Chris and I own and SUV, like a Mom mobile. The Vespa might need a new home...
What I am trying to say is there has been a huge transition and within that, I am living my vision I had written 6 years ago. I am in my vision! I am in that space of love and connection with the man I married. The wife life is real and so much work and so damn amazing. I am a Mother. I mean, this belly bump is real and in that, my body is in a major transition (physically, emotionally and oh the hormones). And though our daughter has not made her external appearance to the World yet (due in April on Earth Day!), I am a Mother now and creating one cozy and sweet (like seriously sweet, the sugar crave is real) home for her to grow. And, I live in the Rockies, a dream I dreamed forever. I have arrived in my vision.
Does it look exactly as I had planned? No. No. No.
Are there elements I saw that are different or that have yet to take place? Of course. I am not residing in a log cabin with high ceilings and a mountain view...yet.
Did it come faster than the 10 years I had placed on it as a deadline? YES! And right on time, truly.
And in this amazing vision landing, I will tell you that I feel so grateful and inspired and awe-struck and happy. While at the same exact time, I feel somewhat lost, unstable and uncertain. Being human is so dynamic.
As I told this to Susanne, I told her my vision for the future felt foggy. I don't have a super clear 10 year vision right now, at this moment. I don't. Not even a clear 5 year vision. You should know I was nervous to tell her that. I was actually nervous to say it outloud and tell myself just that.
But I did.
And I realize that in this vision landing, I can choose to bask in the glow of uncertainty, change and that sweet natural element that is the fog. I can feel uncomfortable in it and then learn from it, sit with it, be in it. (Note: A great read should you be feeling this vibration right now is Pema Chodron's Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change, my online book club is reading it this month, feel free to join in).
Truthfully, I know I am not the only one going through this. Which I often forget. I often forget so many of us are going through the same thing all the time. Not that I need validation here, more so the connection of humans and our experience in this, together. We are all so connected. Don't forget.
Of course, this morning I got an email from a most likely sweet cat reaching out to offer her web design services and pinpointing crucial changes I could make to have a better website. I wanted to tell her, "I KNOW, I KNOW already!". I did not write her that. I have a rad team when ready to shift and I appreciate her being bold and offering her gifts, you go sweet cat of a web designer! Man, the impatience can get to me and I have to remind myself to trust in the process and truly to trust in the unknown.
What I know is I am ready to change.
My brand, my body, my life. All of it.
I am open.
What I don't know is exactly what that change feels like and where exactly I am going with it.
And you know what, that is okay.
That is okay today.