Blinds

Recently in yoga, one of my teachers brought the class together to sit in a circle around a candle. He asked us to close our eyes and breathe. He inquired, "what lights you up?". And immediately, my sweet and patient boyfriend jumped into my head.

I took a moment to dig deeper. Did I say that just to say that, as if an automatic response?  Or, do I truly feel that way in this moment right now?

Pondering. Pondering. Breathing, feeling and pondering.

What I realized sitting in that yoga circle is that yes, he does light me up, of course.  However, only if I choose to feel the warmth of the light. If I choose to see the shine. If I choose to feel the love and love back.

I've noticed in the past week or so, I have been quite the busy brain, bothered and a bit impermeable. Like blinds on a window, you still know the sun is shining behind them.  All on you to pull the cord open or shut and let the light in.

So, I get home that evening from yoga and slink in the front door into our kitchen. I plopped heavy on the wooden kitchen bench and looked at Chris. I told him what came up for me in class. I told him that he does light me up and rock the shine in my life. I told him I loved him and stood up to be wrapped in his arms. In that moment, I made a choice to slowly pull back the metaphorical blinds, be vulnerable and let a little light and love in, so I and he could truly see.

It is important to know how you show up. Know how you are letting people in. Feel it in your body. Take a pause, be it in a yoga circle around a tiny candle on the wooden floor, on a mountain, a long run, or wherever you can just be quiet for a moment. Ask yourself, 'what lights me up?'.

And ever so gently, open and allow that sweet light in.

More. More. More.