I woke up this morning, actually from the weirdest dream ever, and I was thinking about magic. Do you believe in magic?
I was asking myself if I did this morning? And what kind? What it feels like?
I looked around. I have a yarn painted cow head skull (for courage, obviously) and a dreamcatcher (for catching dreams, you know) in my bedroom, I pull purple and gold angel cards daily, I wear malas and I carry around chakra rocks. And don't you dare think for one second that I don't have a meaning for any body issue thanks to Louise Hay and the Heal Your Body app, which has great soothing zen-like music in the background when you open the app. It is as if she knows you are going to hate what white hot truth she drops on you when you look up knee problems and she says you are not flexible with your future and you want to throw the phone out the nearby window, but the sweet music though...
So yes, I believe in magic. Spiritual and magic.
And as I tried to sort out the meaning of magic a bit more, the meaning for me that is, I kept coming back to my love story with Chris and time and serendipity and connection and weird happenings and vulnerability and time again.
And I really really believe in magic and love.
2002 | So when I first met Chris Hynes, we were both 18 years old. I stormed into his college dorm room like a hurricane, loud, egotistical and excited. And as you can guess, I immediately adored him, like instant crush. Note, I was 18 years old, free from parental reign and had just stocked my shelf with the oversized Black Cherry Smirnoff Vodka someone bought for me with their Fake ID. And cue the song Glory Days. I probably had quite a few crushes in a matter of five minutes on his all boys dorm floor. However, Chris was a baseball player.
He seemed really shy, at first. And not shy like doesn't talk, but more reserved, thoughtful and patient. He did not seem easy to get to know right away. Being the exact opposite, I took him on as a challenge to get to know him and maybe fall in love and hold hands on the way to class and cheer him on at games and study in the library together... oh yes, that is where my mind used to go. I now scoff writing these words: I took him on as a challenge. So much ego and confusion, I tell you. So we were connected on AOL instant message (remember that?), when I stopped by to (over)eat at the cafeteria connected to his dorm, and at baseball parties. I soon learned he was still reeling on this chick from his high school. He told me loud and clear one night, I must have been coming on strong. And I realize now that I was literally the epitome of chaos. We kept in touch. Not the right time.
2004 | Moving forward in the years, I studied abroad in Australia for school and I had a short list of people I would email. A couple family members and a few friends and somehow, Chris Hynes made the list. I emailed him about my travels, what I was "studying", the Aussie way of life and my own realizations. I had broken up with my then stateside boyfriend via email (another blog, another story) and gone on this self exploration journey. I remember getting pretty soulful deep with Chris in my lengthy emails, you can do that countries away behind a computer screen. It feels safe. And I'll be honest, I have no idea why he was one of the people I emailed from Australia. To this day, no idea. This would have been our Junior year and I was kind of a hermit my sophomore year (me? a hermit? what? Another blog, another time) and out of touch. Yet, there he was in the TO: ______ on my australian email address.
He wrote me back. I loved it. So we emailed cross country.
2005 | And then I got home after the first semester to the USA and this new social media platform had landed down while I was gone. It was called Facebook. People were going nuts. Late to the game, I scramble to make my profile. Somewhere in the midst of exploring this connection network, adding friends, and choosing pictures to share, the idea of being married was funny to our age group. Obviously, I married Chris Hynes.
Pause. This is insane to me. Chris and I were married on Facebook .... seriously, just because.
People used to ask me why if we weren't dating and I believe I would answer that I love that guy, obviously I am married to him. It's so fun. You should know I lived with 12 boys when I came back from Australia, so again it was chaos in my life; I was not dating material, if that lands. Not the right time.
2005ish - 2006 | Senior year comes and we are flirting like crazy at this bar one night in the beginning of the year. I am sure he is going to kiss me. So sure of it. Because, you know, that is what you did in college, you talked on AOL all Summer, took two shots at the bar and then made out. Remember? Well, Chris didn't go for it. And neither did I. So naturally, two weeks later I was in a relationship with his Mormon roommate. Yep, that happened. I bought him a case of Dr. Pepper for his birthday and ended our Facebook marriage. Not the right time.
2007ish | So after college, I move to LA and Chris moves to Chicago. We keep in touch at our boring desk jobs via g-chat. I have them all saved, creepy I know. I just spent about 47 minutes reading them (again). Some of them are amazing, some of them are kind of sad how distant and scared I was of getting close to Chris. Like you know the fire is blazing but you are scared to get burned type of deal. Anyways, we are both single and mingling in our respective cities. I had always known I would live in Chicago at some point in my life so in these random keep-in-touch messages, Chris and I started playing with the idea of being roommates. No joke, he would send me house listings and we would talk neighborhoods. I didn't have a job opportunity in Chicago, I decided to stay in LA. Not the right time.
2009 | December 11th is the date. Chris comes to visit me in LA. We sip red wine after hours at this Italian restaurant. They felt the magic. All of our drinks were free, the place closes and the wait staff let us stay to party with them. We must have told them we had the local Christmas 10K to run in the morning at least 18 times, they kept pouring. On the way home, I tripped and fell probably over nothing. He reaches to pick me up in my cheetah print long sleeve and black skirt with maroon tights and hideous black boots and I blurt out "I love you".
And I did love him.
And to be honest, I have been tripping and falling ever since because damn, life is bumpy. And every time, no matter what insane outfit I am wearing, Chris is there to pick me up. And I keep blurting out "I love you".
It was the right time.
The Universe was on fire for me and Chris. I mean, come on with the not so subtle hints over the years. The college crush, the Facebook marriage, the roommate conversation, places staying open late for us to keep on being us. Come on with that magic, right there. In a matter of months we will (again) be married on Facebook and in real life (no take backs). We are real life roommates with two added furry roommates. And even though it doesn't happen every time, people still notice and stay open late, comment on our connection or give us free wine. Perks of magic.
The magic is always there. You have to feel it. See it. And truly, you have to choose it.
Additionally, note the timing.