Did you know that Love and Money is actually a rock/soul/funk band, according to Wikipedia It is also a real/gnarly/funky life thing, according to Jacki Carr.
Laying on my boyfriend's chest with our spoiled rotten pup that we adore at the bottom of our bed, I woke up this morning to love. The sun was shining and we decided to finally get up and take a bike ride to Chris' favorite local coffee spot and Bear could run alongside. Basking in this slow morning together, all was right in my World.
On our ride back to our apartment, we started discussing possibilities for the future in a new apartment across from said coffee spot, a walk up little stand alone, twinkle lights in the side yard, maybe a garden. And then BOOM, like a beautiful painting we were painting, I decided to throw a can of black paint on the whole conversation and ask, "what about money"? And there went the blissful morning, the chill bike ride and sips of sweet coffee, shared biscotti and those twinkle lights.
Within hours of bliss, we entered a wicked 17 minutes of displaced emotions, patterns of thought reawakened, awkward silence, dead ends, pointed fingers and one slammed door.
Did that just happen?
As I sat alone on the couch in our cluttered apartment, I went through it all in my cluttered head. I asked question after question, I went into the darkness, I wrote him off and then I penciled him back in. I scorned the money conversation like an enemy, not you again!
And then I heard a song. Always a song. It goes like this: 'I'm staring with the (wo)Man in the Mirror, I'm askin' him her to change her ways...."
And so I looked in that mirror and opened my computer to log into my bank account. I went through my monthly spending report. Oh no. And then I went to the tab that reads those grown up words: B-U-D-G-E-T. To my horror, I saw red all over the sheet. And as much as I wanted to blame Chris for all the money bullshit in our conversation this morning, I was just as much to blame. Like the blind leading the blind, we had both decided to not have or commit to big plans in the finance realm and choosing to spend right now in this frivolous moment every moment is way more fun.
And about every three months, we return to this conversation. Like clockwork And there I am alone, pondering, writing off and penciling back in. Blissful morning to black paint on the future. No way to live, people!
Sound familiar? Due to my google searching, I feel there are a few readers that feel me on this.
With a love for knowledge to provide choice, I found a really rad tool at this site here. And as much as I want to scoff at the website that reads "Financial Recovery" and say we are not there yet, I don't. Because in that moment of googling, article reading, finding a new band and Michael Jackson, I realized that the money conversation being black paint on our future life painting is an issue. And yes, I want to recover.
So, here I am. Inside. The clear blue skies, sunshine, beach and new bicycle are calling my name on this Saturday day. But for now, they can wait. I am learning about the Money Minder. I swallow my pride and text Chris and tell him "Hey, I just found out that I have not been great with money, either. I am sorry for this morning, let's try something new together".
The door to our apartment opens 8 minutes later and he is game for some Financial Recovery. And I sing: Gotta make that change. Today. (wo)Man in the Mirror.
What I know:
1) Communication is clutch. Open your mouth and talk it out.
2) Love and Money. It is a band and a real life struggle for a lot of relationships. Ask for help.
3) See #2. Why wait? Do it NOW.
4) Listen to more Michael Jackson.
5) If it is worth it, you will choose LOVE. Every time.
6) Say sorry when you point fingers and place blame.
7) When fun is a choice, no guilty money strings attached, it is probably double the fun. I cannot wait to find out!
8) I was nervous to write this blog and tell my personal story. I am glad I did.
Photo Credit: here