The Veruca Salt Complex

He looked at me from across the soapy bath tub water and said: "Your impatience is actually annoying.  I feel like sometimes I see your life vision more than you do"

Awkwardly slouching next to the dripping faucet, naked and pouting, I looked over at him in shock.  I had no comeback, no snarky remark or emotion to share because in that moment, I knew he was right and so brutally honest.

I was in complaint, worry and fear about what has yet to happen, what I have yet to create and how hard shit can be when you throw a dollar bill on a dream.  Narrow thoughts, slippery road, and oh how very Generation Y of me.

I really believe that if impatience were a person, her name would be Veruca Salt and she would be my own worst enemy that I would keep close because someone once told me that old saying, "keep your friends close and your enemies closer".  Why on Earth would we do that?  I am deleting that saying from my repertoire.

So yes, I was being impatient, again.  Come on, Carr.  You have the tools to rock, why go there?

So, I sat in the water long after Chris got out of the bath.  I let that water drain out, and I let that conversation drain out, too.  I refilled the bath tub with new water and I told my man he was right. The impatience is annoying.  It is so heavy in my body, my energy, my ability to connect.

I closed my eyes and let the water continue to refill.  I asked myself, is it true?  Is it true you have no time to create your life vision - the Airstream dream, the summer camp, the retreats, the goals, Colorado, the family, the travel, the fun?  Is it true, Jacki Carr?

And with that question, I was no longer impatient.  I was in creation, in gratitude and right on time.

Credit where credit is due:  Byron Katie, Loving What Is