You Don't Want to Hear This

Man, we all go through life stuff.  Be it personal stuff, health stuff, job stuff, we go through some stuff.  I have noticed that when I am going through said life stuff, I want to push it to the side, not let anyone in and keep it to myself and perhaps, my dog.  I often say, "oh, you don't want me to vent to you" or "you don't want to hear about my bullshit, it is nothing" and "i am fine. I'll figure it out on my own". When actually, it is not nothing at all and most likely, it will take you a lot longer to figure it out on your own.  When you are going through emotions, there is something there to consider, to shift, to get real about.

In this time in my life, I now realize that I have made the conscious effort to be surrounded by incredible people.  Be it in person, via telephone or online with email, I have people who have got my back and the front.  Real people. And what I know now is when I hide or fake my emotions, when I think they don't want to hear my story or what is bothering me, I actually push them away.  I don't let them in to listen, to support, to love me.

I have created this judgement on myself that my problems shouldn't matter.  Or worse, <gasp> my problems will make me look bad to my friends and family.  My problems will make them not want to be friends with me.

Very untrue.  Very, very untrue.

Because when I can open up and lean on my friends and family who care about me, who want to know more and love me more, my life opens up.  I open up to a new perspective, deep and honest friendships and soul shaking connections that have finally been granted permission to move me.

Beautiful.