GUEST POST: Showing Up for yourSELF
Written by: Sadie Cole
You know that feeling when you get great feedback from a boss? Not just a casual “Good job,” but a thought-out, personal recognition of that value you bring to your team? Or you know that feeling when a family member or partner tells you that they are proud of you? And not just a passing-by “proud of you!” but a reflective acknowledgement that they see your growth and that they love watching you succeed.
My body has a physical reaction even just writing about this feeling. This feeling of being truly seen and valued by others whom we respect. It typically re-shapes my entire week, my whole sense of self, and my outlook on the innate good of human-kind. (Pretty powerful, huh?!)
I’ve started thinking... as great as this is, what happens if humans aren’t showing up for us in this way? This idea is completely reliant on the ability of others to whole-heartedly show up for us. This is a lot to expect through all the ups and downs of life.
I grew up on a small lake in Maine. Yes, my childhood was exactly as idyllic as it sounds. I was supported, loved and constantly reminded of my worth. I used to tell my mom, “I’m never going to move away for college, I could never not live with you!”
Fast forward 10 years and I am moving about as far away as possible for school. Because the thing is -eventually - there is something inside us that tells us to leave the comfort and figure out how to find worth on our own. Our subconscious can be pretty smart. I moved to Colorado and haven’t looked back since. I have lived here for 6 years and sometimes still feel like I’m just “traveling for school.” I have this sense that I belong on the east coast and that I will always end up there. I associate Maine with comfort. I associate my home with feeling valued and being reminded every day that I matter.
In Colorado, no one tells me that! Not because I don’t have awesome friends or a wonderful place of work, but because there comes a time in all our lives where people stop telling you that you matter as an everyday activity. Also known as “growing up.” For example, when you are a parent, you now are in charge of creating self-worth for this new human. And there is no one telling you that you are doing a good job, that you are worth it, that you matter.
Similarly, let’s say you work at a large corporation. I doubt there is anyone reminding you of how hard you are working every day or how proud you should be for impact you’ve made on the mission of this company - right?
I am a yoga instructor, which arguably can be a very rewarding job. After every single class, I usually get at least one “thank you!” However, if I don’t get a specific positive comment on my class, I feel like I failed. I outwardly look for positive feedback on my work all the time. I end all my classes asking for feedback, I send emails to my students asking what they liked about class, and I post cute pictures of myself doing yoga in hopes for nice comments!
We as humans NEED this feedback. However, returning to my recent thought... since we all go through times in our lives when we may not be getting it, how can WE provide it for ourSELVES?!
How great would it be if you could get that same warm, satisfied, proud sensation from yourself?! I decided that I think we can.
And here’s how. I challenged myself over the last month to set realistic goals for myself every week. For example...
● Goal: To show up for every commitment that I have on my calendar.
● How I will feel after I do this: Proud, accomplished, whole.
● How I will celebrate for myself: Mark this goal as COMPLETE on Friday afternoon and reward
myself with a well-cooked meal, a glass of red wine, and watching Free Solo. Woohoo!
By simply writing this in my journal, I got so excited. And I started to get that same proud feeling as when I am celebrated by others! Life goes through so many ebbs and flows. And although humans are absolutely KEY to our happiness, it is unrealistic to count on their praise to provide us self-worth. Therefore, I am challenging us as strong individuals to start taking ownership for our own ability to celebrate our successes and honor our need to feel proud.
ABOUT SADIE COLE:
Sadie's mission is to help heal the physical and mental pain we all have by remembering and reminding that we are more the same than we are different. She shares her voice through teaching yoga at The River, writing blogs, and singing with her Ukulele. She hopes that by being vulnerable herself, others will feel empowered to join too.
Sadie is a practitioner, teacher and student of the ancient practice of yoga. She uses the founding principles of the practice to guide her own growth and writing outside the studio too.