Day 11 & 12: On Crying & the Book Collection

Day Eleven:  I am an emotional human being.  As you know from Day 7:  Self Love, I cry at every Modern Family episode.  Full on tears. However, as a kid growing up I let the tears flow on the regular.  Bad grades.  TEARS.  Afraid to spend the night at a sleepover.  TEARS.  Mom or Dad disappointed.  TEARS.  You get it.  And to be honest, I felt crying to be really embarrassing.  I had no control over my emotions and some times, I got made fun of.  Most time, it was me making fun of myself and being really hard on me. I channeled Tom Hanks in 'A League of their Own' and would say "there's no crying in baseball!".  And in this emotional roll coaster, I really worked hard to push those emotions down down down.  I wanted to be a non-crier, stronger and more tough.  This is what not crying meant to me, at the time of 12 years old.

And of course naturally, this became a pattern.  To push down my emotions.  Save them for later when no one could see.  Ideally in a bathtub alone.

So Day 11, I am driving on the 405 home from the Business Workshop I signed up for on Day 9er.  I felt alive with knowledge and proud of myself for action.  So in this state of bliss, I have the windows rolled down and the music way up.  I am blasting Safe & Sound, by Capital Cities on repeat and singing, as if I have created my own Prius Karaoke station.  Feeling really on fire.  And all of a sudden, in this combination of bliss, karaoke singing and feeling rad, this emotional wave comes over me and I feel the tears start to well.  What?  Where are these coming from?

And honestly, I am overwhelmed with happiness.  The karaoke signing had triggered a memory of my main man, Chris singing Phil Collin's Easy Lover to me at a bar in Palm Springs.  And boom, just like that, my heart is bursting with love and I start to get super emotional.

At first, I push the emotions down down down. I am embarrassed.  I stop signing out-loud. I pause to slow down the emotional rush and turn down the music.  REMINDER:  I am in the car alone.  Cars rushing by and I have this fear that someone will see me crying in my car.

And then, I channel the challenge, I let those tears go.  I turned the music back up and I smiled, cried, sang and allowed myself to be emotional.  And it felt really, really good.

I am emotional.  It is who I am.  I get it honest from my amazing Mother who cries when you tell her you love her on the phone.  And it is beautiful.  My new daily practice:  embrace the emotional side even more.  Be more me.  Let the tears roll.

Day Twelve: When Chris & I joined forces in life and started living together, we combined a gnarly amount of books.  His more in the Nature and History realm and mine more in the Self Help and Leadership realm, with a couple of youth series sprinkled in.  Makes for an interesting library when you can choose to get real with the Dalai Lama, JFK or Harry Potter.

So on this day, we decided to face the fear of the self-owned library and get organized. NOTE:  We had shelves of books in the living room, on our drink cart, in the middle hallway, on my desk and in our bedroom. We decided to make piles of 'want to read' 'have read' 'give away' and 'will use for research'. Then, we categorized by theme:  self help + leadership, nature, adventure and then a misc. great reads section.

The afternoon looked like this:

And while the task was daunting and Chris made a comment mid-organization, "this was a way bigger mission than I thought it would be and I'm hungry", we organized our library together.  We have three bags to donate to GoodWill.  We have an Amazon giftcard coming our way from the Amazon Trade-In Program.  We have an IKEA book shelf to remove from our bedroom and replace with a beautiful plant or tree.  And we have a reminder that we are not allowed to buy books for an entire year, as we both have 20+ unread books on our shelves, each.

How often do we see a daunting task and procrastinate?  If you are me, all the time.  Face it head on, come in with a plan, and if possible, do it with someone you love (that is not hungry).