Guest Post: In Love with (self) Love
Lindsey Richardson is a marketing professional by day and a hopeless romantic by night. After taking a lot of time to explore her true passion in life, she has finally found the common denominator between her obsession with love and her obsession with marketing; her passion lies within the STORY itself. She love hearing stories. She love sharing stories. Check her story-telling here, where all her doing it wrong has led her to doing it right. ________________________________________________________________________________________
It all began when I was 16. I, like most 16 year olds was very insecure. I was gangly, I had a perm, and I had never been kissed. My mother always told me I was beautiful, but that was her job so of course I never believed her. Every night I would wish on a star for my first kiss. Everytime my necklace hit the clasp (a sign you should make a wish), I would wish for my first kiss. Every birthday, every penny in a pond, every moment my wish was the same.
I was a hopeless romantic from the start, and I dreamed of that magical moment of what it would feel like to fall in love. But what I didn’t realize is I was missing something huge. From the start, I was in love with love, but I was not in love with myself.
No one ever told me how rocky Love and I’s relationship would be. Every movie I saw had that magical ending so I assumed that was how it would be.
As I moved into my 20’s and experienced my first kiss and relationships, I naturally thought that it happened just like it did in the movies. Imagine my surprise when I was introduced to terms such as “friends with benefits” or “I am just not looking for a relationship right now.” These terms were foreign to me and hard for me to comprehend.
After my first love, I let my break-up almost ruin my life. I thought my life was over. How was I ever going to find love again? Every relationship I entered into I took very seriously. Whether it be 1 week or 2 years, I treated this person like they could potentially be the one. I mean after all, I was on a mission, I wasn't messing around.
I had spent all of my 20’s trying to convince each boyfriend why our relationship was worth it. Every single serious relationship I fought for more than the other person. Perhaps every relationship I wanted more than the other person. Why? It was simple, I was scared that would be my last chance at truly finding love. And although I was no longer the gangly 16 year old, I still had her confidence. And simply put, I was in love with love and thought that was all I needed.
And here is what I have learned, the Universe (or whatever you may believe in), has a funny way of “showing” you. And when I found myself 30 and single again, it was time. I could no longer rely on my relationship with love, the Universe was telling me that there was something more I needed to do.
So I searched. I wrote, and wrote, and finally started to write the blog I always said I was going to do. I stopped faking being strong, in exchange for the opportunity to potentially help someone with getting real with the pain I was going through. And that is when I found my new love. The love for myself.
Falling in love with myself wasn't easy, I got real with all the cracks and quirks and imperfections. There were highs and lows in the process of getting to know each other. But, I am so thankful I took the time to do so because this love, this was the one I had been missing. All along, I just hadn't found myself and there was no marriage in the world that could have supported the broken and unconfident girl that was constantly settling.
Don't worry, I still love “love". We didn't break up, I just have a different view of what “love” is, and more importantly, I am now loving myself more and more each and every day. How do I do that? By giving “me” a break when she needs it. By treating “me” to a nice outfit when she needs to celebrate. By getting real with “me” when she needs a reality check. And by constantly working to be a better “me” each and ever day while never forgetting to still love the “me” that is here in the present day.
So ask yourself, do you love yourself? How do you show that love? Don’t forget, you have to truly love “you” before anyone else can. And if you have any doubts, then search in whatever way you need to, but don’t stop until you find the you that you love, because when you do, it is pretty rad.