The Veruca Salt Complex
He looked at me from across the soapy bath tub water and said: "Your impatience is actually annoying. I feel like sometimes I see your life vision more than you do"
Awkwardly slouching next to the dripping faucet, naked and pouting, I looked over at him in shock. I had no comeback, no snarky remark or emotion to share because in that moment, I knew he was right and so brutally honest.
I was in complaint, worry and fear about what has yet to happen, what I have yet to create and how hard shit can be when you throw a dollar bill on a dream. Narrow thoughts, slippery road, and oh how very Generation Y of me.
I really believe that if impatience were a person, her name would be Veruca Salt and she would be my own worst enemy that I would keep close because someone once told me that old saying, "keep your friends close and your enemies closer". Why on Earth would we do that? I am deleting that saying from my repertoire.
So yes, I was being impatient, again. Come on, Carr. You have the tools to rock, why go there?
So, I sat in the water long after Chris got out of the bath. I let that water drain out, and I let that conversation drain out, too. I refilled the bath tub with new water and I told my man he was right. The impatience is annoying. It is so heavy in my body, my energy, my ability to connect.
I closed my eyes and let the water continue to refill. I asked myself, is it true? Is it true you have no time to create your life vision - the Airstream dream, the summer camp, the retreats, the goals, Colorado, the family, the travel, the fun? Is it true, Jacki Carr?
And with that question, I was no longer impatient. I was in creation, in gratitude and right on time.
Credit where credit is due: Byron Katie, Loving What Is